[It's a phenomenon that Jyn thought she would always be incredibly fortunate to bear witness to - that light in his eyes when he looked at her, how easily he smiled. Sometimes, she marveled that she could offer the same, that she even still had the capability to be soft and warm and loving after all she had endured, all she had seen and done …
But here they were. And she was laughing as she reached up to tousle his messy hair before drying off as quickly and efficiently as Cassian had, her own hair a wild, wavy cloud framing her face.
Following his lead, Jyn soon wrapped her towel securely around her and once more reached for his hand in order to re-establish contact. She appreciated the careful way he continued making it clear that he had no expectations of her and how the rest of the night was going to go.
Truth was, even though this had started one way, Jyn didn't have any expectations of Cassian, either. They could just … go to sleep together, and that would be more than enough for her.]
Yeah. You could always keep me warm, too.
{Not entirely innocuous, but not entirely explicit in its meaning. That could be determined once the time came.
(It was an achingly good imagining - one that Jyn indulged in more than she felt was healthy.) They had right now, though, and it was real, and it felt just as good.]
[His smile turned… shyer? when she ruffled his hair, and as he reached up, in turn, to touch hers.
Likewise, when she reached for his hand, he immediately reached back.
His fingers curled a little more tightly around hers at her suggestion. Though he said it gently, every fiber in him was tangibly vibrating:]
That's the best idea I've ever heard.
[He knew how to be smooth… but that was technique, not him. He was never going to technique her. And, with her, he didn't want to try to be anyone but himself. They both required that. So, even while very clearly, in the faint hunch of his shoulders and slight smile, rolling his eyes at himself, he went for awkward as feke.]
If one of us had hypothermia, best thing would be under the blankets skin-to-skin. Which… is where my mind is now. But… there's no need to move fast. I have sleepwear enough for both of us. Which would be comfortable, too.
[His smile turned sweeter and made her feel radiant, and the ache in Jyn's heart only intensified to see it, to watch as he returned the gesture and touched her still-damp hair, too.
Her own smile ticked a few degrees wider at how quickly he reached out for her, bridging what little gap remained between them, how quickly and gently he wrapped his calloused fingers around hers, giving her reassurance again that yes, this was what he wanted, too, it wasn't just her.
Jyn wanted to offer some sort of an answer but found the words lacking. She hoped that her unguarded smile and the light in her eyes were enough to show just how much she liked the idea, too.
For as difficult as it was to lay themselves bare in front of each other, Jyn was glad to have the opportunity to ... let each other in. Even if that meant letting each other see their awkwardness, their shyness, the vulnerability that they couldn't show to anyone else in any other situation.
So - if Cassian thought he was rambling, Jyn was hanging on to every word. It was an understandable place for his mind to go, in any case. But - ]
My mind is with yours. But I also think that if you want to, I can borrow a shirt and you can wear the bottoms and we'll ... meet in the middle. Avoid making unncessary dirty laundry.
[Jyn couldn't judge. She and Cassian both had spent the majority of their lives being anything but open and honest and vulnerable. Vulnerability was tantamount to weakness, and showing weakness got you killed.
But here, they were as safe as they were probably ever going to be. They trusted each other, very clearly wanted each other. The difficulty lied in baring themselves and running the risk of being hurt. She didn't know the first thing about sharing real intimacy with another being, but for as much as she'd convinced herself that she was only ever going to make mistakes and Cassian would end up regretting giving her such unfettered access to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of backing out now.
Even if nothing physical happened, they were still approaching the point of no return.
[What was that about having control? One of his hands went to the knot of the towel to keep it in place.
But who wanted to focus on that? The smile that dawned on his face, the openness of his eyes taking her in, were absolute, without distraction. Slowly, somewhere between questioning and answering, his other hand moved to her face. His fingers and eyes both traced the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek, the edge of her lips.]
[Jyn's got no room to talk when it came to letting go. But she wanted to be able to with Cassian - to give herself wholly to him, to trust herself enough to do so without running from the potential aftermath.
Not that she's got any real reason to believe that he would - somehow - not want her anymore when he'd proven exactly the opposite with all the times he'd come back for her when he hadn't had to.
Wryly, she thought, this was what a lifetime of abandonment issues has gotten her.
But she concentrated on Cassian instead - on the smile that bloomed into life, on the way he observed her, like he was seeing her - really seeing her, the real Jyn Erso that had been hiding beneath her tough exterior for most of her life - for the first time.
And ... the prospect didn't terrify her quite as much as she thought it would. She kept still as Cassian reached out to touch, trace the details of her face so gently, like he might have been memorizing the touch and feel and her reactions for later.
A part of her might have wanted to delve into the girlish and delicate (concepts that have always been utterly alien to her)_and wait for Cassian to make his move, maybe murmur that she would really rather like for him to kiss her, but a much larger part of her felt like she couldn't possibly wait any longer to take matters into her own hands first.
They had been dancing around each other for so long, and now that they were here ...
It was clear which part prevailed in the instant that she breached the miniscule distance between them, stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Cassian's in a kiss that was gentle and tentative ... but not without intent.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
But here they were. And she was laughing as she reached up to tousle his messy hair before drying off as quickly and efficiently as Cassian had, her own hair a wild, wavy cloud framing her face.
Following his lead, Jyn soon wrapped her towel securely around her and once more reached for his hand in order to re-establish contact. She appreciated the careful way he continued making it clear that he had no expectations of her and how the rest of the night was going to go.
Truth was, even though this had started one way, Jyn didn't have any expectations of Cassian, either. They could just … go to sleep together, and that would be more than enough for her.]
Yeah. You could always keep me warm, too.
{Not entirely innocuous, but not entirely explicit in its meaning. That could be determined once the time came.
(It was an achingly good imagining - one that Jyn indulged in more than she felt was healthy.) They had right now, though, and it was real, and it felt just as good.]
no subject
Likewise, when she reached for his hand, he immediately reached back.
His fingers curled a little more tightly around hers at her suggestion. Though he said it gently, every fiber in him was tangibly vibrating:]
That's the best idea I've ever heard.
[He knew how to be smooth… but that was technique, not him. He was never going to technique her. And, with her, he didn't want to try to be anyone but himself. They both required that. So, even while very clearly, in the faint hunch of his shoulders and slight smile, rolling his eyes at himself, he went for awkward as feke.]
If one of us had hypothermia, best thing would be under the blankets skin-to-skin. Which… is where my mind is now. But… there's no need to move fast. I have sleepwear enough for both of us. Which would be comfortable, too.
no subject
Her own smile ticked a few degrees wider at how quickly he reached out for her, bridging what little gap remained between them, how quickly and gently he wrapped his calloused fingers around hers, giving her reassurance again that yes, this was what he wanted, too, it wasn't just her.
Jyn wanted to offer some sort of an answer but found the words lacking. She hoped that her unguarded smile and the light in her eyes were enough to show just how much she liked the idea, too.
For as difficult as it was to lay themselves bare in front of each other, Jyn was glad to have the opportunity to ... let each other in. Even if that meant letting each other see their awkwardness, their shyness, the vulnerability that they couldn't show to anyone else in any other situation.
So - if Cassian thought he was rambling, Jyn was hanging on to every word. It was an understandable place for his mind to go, in any case. But - ]
My mind is with yours. But I also think that if you want to, I can borrow a shirt and you can wear the bottoms and we'll ... meet in the middle. Avoid making unncessary dirty laundry.
no subject
[He bit his lip to stop himself saying anything too much… then remembered that they were trying to say too much. Say everything.]
…you saw what I want.
[And he'd downplayed and she'd said it was okay. But perhaps he'd been a little lying with politeness, then, and maybe, maybe she hadn't been…?]
I want… anything you want to give. Or have. With me.
no subject
But here, they were as safe as they were probably ever going to be. They trusted each other, very clearly wanted each other. The difficulty lied in baring themselves and running the risk of being hurt. She didn't know the first thing about sharing real intimacy with another being, but for as much as she'd convinced herself that she was only ever going to make mistakes and Cassian would end up regretting giving her such unfettered access to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of backing out now.
Even if nothing physical happened, they were still approaching the point of no return.
Okay. Honesty. No holding back.]
I want everything with you.
no subject
But who wanted to focus on that? The smile that dawned on his face, the openness of his eyes taking her in, were absolute, without distraction. Slowly, somewhere between questioning and answering, his other hand moved to her face. His fingers and eyes both traced the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek, the edge of her lips.]
no subject
Not that she's got any real reason to believe that he would - somehow - not want her anymore when he'd proven exactly the opposite with all the times he'd come back for her when he hadn't had to.
Wryly, she thought, this was what a lifetime of abandonment issues has gotten her.
But she concentrated on Cassian instead - on the smile that bloomed into life, on the way he observed her, like he was seeing her - really seeing her, the real Jyn Erso that had been hiding beneath her tough exterior for most of her life - for the first time.
And ... the prospect didn't terrify her quite as much as she thought it would. She kept still as Cassian reached out to touch, trace the details of her face so gently, like he might have been memorizing the touch and feel and her reactions for later.
A part of her might have wanted to delve into the girlish and delicate (concepts that have always been utterly alien to her)_and wait for Cassian to make his move, maybe murmur that she would really rather like for him to kiss her, but a much larger part of her felt like she couldn't possibly wait any longer to take matters into her own hands first.
They had been dancing around each other for so long, and now that they were here ...
It was clear which part prevailed in the instant that she breached the miniscule distance between them, stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Cassian's in a kiss that was gentle and tentative ... but not without intent.
Patience never had been her best asset, anyway.]