[Jyn couldn't judge. She and Cassian both had spent the majority of their lives being anything but open and honest and vulnerable. Vulnerability was tantamount to weakness, and showing weakness got you killed.
But here, they were as safe as they were probably ever going to be. They trusted each other, very clearly wanted each other. The difficulty lied in baring themselves and running the risk of being hurt. She didn't know the first thing about sharing real intimacy with another being, but for as much as she'd convinced herself that she was only ever going to make mistakes and Cassian would end up regretting giving her such unfettered access to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of backing out now.
Even if nothing physical happened, they were still approaching the point of no return.
[What was that about having control? One of his hands went to the knot of the towel to keep it in place.
But who wanted to focus on that? The smile that dawned on his face, the openness of his eyes taking her in, were absolute, without distraction. Slowly, somewhere between questioning and answering, his other hand moved to her face. His fingers and eyes both traced the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek, the edge of her lips.]
[Jyn's got no room to talk when it came to letting go. But she wanted to be able to with Cassian - to give herself wholly to him, to trust herself enough to do so without running from the potential aftermath.
Not that she's got any real reason to believe that he would - somehow - not want her anymore when he'd proven exactly the opposite with all the times he'd come back for her when he hadn't had to.
Wryly, she thought, this was what a lifetime of abandonment issues has gotten her.
But she concentrated on Cassian instead - on the smile that bloomed into life, on the way he observed her, like he was seeing her - really seeing her, the real Jyn Erso that had been hiding beneath her tough exterior for most of her life - for the first time.
And ... the prospect didn't terrify her quite as much as she thought it would. She kept still as Cassian reached out to touch, trace the details of her face so gently, like he might have been memorizing the touch and feel and her reactions for later.
A part of her might have wanted to delve into the girlish and delicate (concepts that have always been utterly alien to her)_and wait for Cassian to make his move, maybe murmur that she would really rather like for him to kiss her, but a much larger part of her felt like she couldn't possibly wait any longer to take matters into her own hands first.
They had been dancing around each other for so long, and now that they were here ...
It was clear which part prevailed in the instant that she breached the miniscule distance between them, stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Cassian's in a kiss that was gentle and tentative ... but not without intent.
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Date: 2020-02-04 06:51 am (UTC)[He bit his lip to stop himself saying anything too much… then remembered that they were trying to say too much. Say everything.]
…you saw what I want.
[And he'd downplayed and she'd said it was okay. But perhaps he'd been a little lying with politeness, then, and maybe, maybe she hadn't been…?]
I want… anything you want to give. Or have. With me.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 08:42 pm (UTC)But here, they were as safe as they were probably ever going to be. They trusted each other, very clearly wanted each other. The difficulty lied in baring themselves and running the risk of being hurt. She didn't know the first thing about sharing real intimacy with another being, but for as much as she'd convinced herself that she was only ever going to make mistakes and Cassian would end up regretting giving her such unfettered access to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of backing out now.
Even if nothing physical happened, they were still approaching the point of no return.
Okay. Honesty. No holding back.]
I want everything with you.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-03 06:47 am (UTC)But who wanted to focus on that? The smile that dawned on his face, the openness of his eyes taking her in, were absolute, without distraction. Slowly, somewhere between questioning and answering, his other hand moved to her face. His fingers and eyes both traced the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek, the edge of her lips.]
no subject
Date: 2021-11-11 10:05 pm (UTC)Not that she's got any real reason to believe that he would - somehow - not want her anymore when he'd proven exactly the opposite with all the times he'd come back for her when he hadn't had to.
Wryly, she thought, this was what a lifetime of abandonment issues has gotten her.
But she concentrated on Cassian instead - on the smile that bloomed into life, on the way he observed her, like he was seeing her - really seeing her, the real Jyn Erso that had been hiding beneath her tough exterior for most of her life - for the first time.
And ... the prospect didn't terrify her quite as much as she thought it would. She kept still as Cassian reached out to touch, trace the details of her face so gently, like he might have been memorizing the touch and feel and her reactions for later.
A part of her might have wanted to delve into the girlish and delicate (concepts that have always been utterly alien to her)_and wait for Cassian to make his move, maybe murmur that she would really rather like for him to kiss her, but a much larger part of her felt like she couldn't possibly wait any longer to take matters into her own hands first.
They had been dancing around each other for so long, and now that they were here ...
It was clear which part prevailed in the instant that she breached the miniscule distance between them, stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Cassian's in a kiss that was gentle and tentative ... but not without intent.
Patience never had been her best asset, anyway.]