It took a moment for Jyn to compose herself (and tuck away all the other things she wanted to say) before she was able to continue and address what she felt was the most important matter at hand.]
Let them come see me.
Go take a shower and change your clothes. Get something to eat. Then come back here. We can … talk … or rest. I just -
I feel better when you're near.
[It wasn't that Jyn didn't want Cassian around. As a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. For as much as she didn't say it out loud, she thought the message was clear - I want you to take care of yourself.
Let me take care of you like you've been taking care of me.]
[There was the barest flicker of protest in his eyes before it turned to warmth. And… being touched.
He understood.
Though of course, obligatory: his mouth quirked in a smile for—]
If I smell bad, you can just tell me.
[But he belied himself immediately by raising her hand, in both of his; closing his eyes, and kissing it, yet again.
He lay her hand down at her side before removing both of his. They lingered a moment on the mattress beside her, before he pushed himself by them to his feet.]
[Jyn was going to be fine. And in the best way she knew how, she wanted to make sure that Cassian would be, too ... whatever fine meant to people like them.
She was glad when it became clear that she didn't need to explain any further, and knowing that made it a little easier to add to the jest - to breathe, actually.]
Pardon me for trying to be a little diplomatic.
[She tried to ignore the rush of breath from her lungs as he lifted their hands and pressed a kiss to hers before setting it down gently and she found her fingers itching to reach out and continue the contact.
[He breathed a laugh, his eyes on her so radiant with…
caring recognition kinship sameness
love?
He nodded and forced himself to turn away. Paused at the exit, wondering if he looked back if he'd be able to leave after all… but this wasn't… this was just a break. He knew where she was, they were among friends and allies, and he'd be back soon.
So he glanced over his shoulder, shooting her one more smile and blinding eyes, and left.]
[It was just a break - and a well-needed one at that. Jyn had been informed that Cassian had rarely left her side since landing. While she was unbelievably grateful for his presence, the comfort and strength he shared while she rested and recovered, she truly believed that he needed a little time to breathe.
So she visited with their friends while he was off taking care of himself, and tried not to blush at some vague yet somehow still pointed comments being directed her way.
After some reassurance that soon enough, she'd be back on her feet and in fighting shape in no time, they trickled away until she was left to her own devices. Not that there was anything she could really do when she was still sore from surgery and sleepy from the medication being fed into her intravenously.
With nobody around to keep her company, Jyn did the only thing she could do given her current circumstances.
[Cassian followed Jyn. She may not have been entirely aware of it, but it was how he functioned now and had for a long time. He didn't always get to—they'd both kept active after Scarif, taking assignments, and their skillsets were good enough on solo missions that they weren't going to waste them with the redundancy of always sending them out together. He often wished it otherwise, but… keep serving. At least she was there—in the Alliance, in the universe, for him to come back to, and to come back to him. And as far as he was concerned, she was his commanding officer when he was there, and his lodestar when he wasn't. She probably wouldn't want to be, which was part of why he never told her. But… it's just how it was. Since before he'd made it his own decision, it had been true. He'd made the decision to keep it true.
So he did as she'd said. Showered, changed, got some food. He'd expected the third to be the hardest, but it wasn't. The moment he took a bite of ration bar, he found himself ravenous and got more. The hardest was the first. You couldn't distract yourself from much while in the thought-amplifying box of a shower.
At least she hadn't told him to get some sleep, because that would have been beyond him—in his own quarters. Away from her.
He returned while she was sleeping. He decided not to wake her. He just, as he'd done before, pulled up a chair, and rested his head in his arms at her side, with his fingers so light just beside her wrist. He should be able to feel it when she woke up, and wake with her.
[Cassian wasn't exactly overt in his actions when it came to following Jyn. They were apart more often than not - if she had her way, it would be the other way around. Unfortunately, there was always work to be done, and with overlapping skillsets, it wasn't always feasible to put them together.
Cassian was there, though, somewhere in the vastness of the universe, and even if he never knew it, his welcome home had left an indelible mark on her heart and soul and he was her north star, shining brightly enough to lead her back home, even though he had probably never meant to offer himself instead of a place to belong.
Home, for her, would always be where he was.
Thanks to the painkillers being pumped through her system, when Jyn slept, she slept heavily and without dreaming, just ... floating in dark, quiet nothingness. Waking took more time than usual, too. So it took some time from the moment she cracked an eye to the time she recognized Cassian's bent-over form occupying the chair he'd pulled close to her bedside. For a moment, all she did was observe, but slowly, she slid her hand closer until the tips of their fingers touching - the closest she dared come to curling her fingers around his in order to hold his hand properly.]
[Yes. He'd meant to offer himself. Shame he still hadn't figured out how… whether… to say as much.
The electricity of just the tips of her fingers rode through him. And he turned his face to her, opening his eyes, and smiling. …And his hand, whether by reflex or decision, moved fully into hers.]
[Maybe one day, they would find the presence of mind to say those sorts of things to each other, to share the feelings that they have both, as of yet, kept completely to themselves. But, hazy as she was, Jyn didn't think that now was the time.
So she curled her smaller fingers around his and held on loosely, content enough just to maintain some sense of contact when thus far during her recovery, Cassian had been very careful to keep close without touching her.
It was easy to return his smile, which only widened as he then asked about his smell. All she really knew was that he looked a bit better - still tired, but not nearly as exhausted as he'd appeared a few scant hours before. And that was a good thing, in her opinion.]
I dunno. You're not close enough for me to tell.
[Maybe it was the pain meds, Maybe she wasn't being as careful as she had always been previously. Maybe it was a little of both, but after a moment of contemplation, before she had a proper chance to think her words through, she asked - ]
Do you want to lay with me for a while? It's got to be better for you than that chair. I wouldn't mind sharing -
Skies gods hells yes… maybe he hadn't been able to admit it to himself until after Scarif, but he'd wanted her in his arms since she'd said trust went both ways.
But…
Voice a bit breathier but more intensely concerned:]
Are you sure it wouldn't hurt? Moving or… pressure?
[Because in a bed that size, even if he was on her stab-free side, he'd still be up against her bruised and overtaxed frame.]
[It might have started at rebellions are built on hope or maybe before that, when Cassian had allowed her to keep the blaster that she had pilfered from his things even though Kay had warned that the chances of her using it against him were high.
He'd returned for her time and time again when he hadn't needed to. He'd almost died with her on the beaches of Scarif and sometimes …
Jyn wasn't entirely convinced that they hadn't begun dissolving into stardust, atoms mixing and mingling before they were pulled back from the brink and pieced back together having left inexorable pieces of themselves behind.
Maybe this incident had been the catalyst she needed to knock their orbit off of it's axis, to intersect for once, rather than continue keeping a safe distance apart.
She was touched by his clear concern, but instead of saying as much, she breathed out what amounted to amused chuckle, her grip on his hand tightening in a reassuring squeeze - although whether it was for Cassian or for her or for both of them, she wasn't quite sure.]
I'm on the good painkillers, Cassian, I think I'll be fine.
[A breath. Screw feeling needy, maybe it was time to be a little more forthcoming.]
[He couldn't respond verbally. With his knowledge of half a dozen languages: The words didn't exist. So he nodded.
And carefully crossed around to her uninjured side. He thought for a moment before pulling off his jacket, and yet another before toeing off his boots. Part of him wanted to keep them on, as a signal that he was ready and willing to leave the moment she told him to; but he decided, even though any local dirt on his shoes wouldn't stand a chance against the antibiotics they'd surely have her on, it was still better not to push it, or make all the med units have fits.
And, more carefully still, he sat on the edge of the mattress, his eyes on her all the way; then laid himself down, facing her, not touching (yet), to fit himself in the spaces where she wasn't.]
At least, Jyn couldn't piece together what she wanted to say next. Instead, she just watched as Cassian stood and moved to the side of the bed, pause for just a moment before efficiently slipping out of his jacket and then his boots in preparation of joining her.
He sat at the edge of the bed, and her heartbeat sped up even though she kept still, allowing Cassian to take the time he needed to get comfortable, the small smile lifting her lips just slightly very real and not as a result of the painkillers in her bloodstream.
Maybe it was best that she not say anything just quite yet, lest her feelings come tumbling right out with no filter to catch the secrets that she wasn't quite ready to share.
When it seemed like he had settled fairly well, she finally slid her hand a little closer, hoping that he'd want to take it once more. But, just in case he was still worried - ]
[He took it immediately. Laying his on hers and curling his fingers just enough.
Maybe his ability to read people was, for a change, actually working with her. Maybe he just knew, if their roles were switched, what he'd be feeling. Something inspired him to say:]
Anything you want. Anything you need. Please tell me. I want to be here for you. More than anything.
[He kept her steady when she felt anything but. And as Jyn relaxed even further, it was probably pretty clear that she felt more at ease now than she had just waking up to find him at her side - although that had been remarkably comforting, too.
She hoped that the appreciation she felt to hear Cassian make his offer was obvious in her eyes, the soft smile on her lips that grew with every word spoken and the knowledge that he wouldn't be saying it if he didn't mean it completely.
Now it was her turn to feel speechless, to struggle to find a way to express how much the spoken gesture meant to her - how grateful she was for everything that he had aleady done for her.]
I will, Cassian.
But ...
This is enough. You know, that you're here. With me.
[The touch of his hand was gentle, and although his smile was small, it was more than warm enough to set her heart alight, too. Jyn wasn't entirely certain that her eyes weren't reflecting all the things she felt that she hadn't found the courage to say to Cassian as of yet.
Her smile slowly widened with every suggestion that Cassian made, culminating in one eyebrow raising quizzically. All of those things sounded perfectly acceptable, to be honest, and infinitely better than speaking about anything more ... truthful.
It probably wasn't the time, anyway, with such strong antibiotics and painkillers in her system. But if Cassian was giving Jyn the choice to choose - ]
You need rest. It's okay if you fall asleep, I'll watch over you.
[He breathe-laughed, with a gentle squeeze on her hand.]
Thank you.
[Okay, then. He resettled his head a little on the pillow, tried not to be too obvious in the way he looked at her face—drinking her in; then gave her another small. He didn't expect he would be able to sleep, but he could give it a try. He moved as close to her as he could without pushing into her, matched their breathing, and closed his eyes.]
[It was only fair, considering how vigilantly Cassian had watched over her. Although, it was also a fair assumption that Jyn's wakefulness wouldn't last very long and she would soon join Cassian in sleep.
Her gaze was just as intent as she watched him settle in beside her - leaving a respectable distance as though he was afraid of hurting her or getting too close, touching her in a manner that she didn't want.
Jyn also didn't want to do anything that would make Cassian uncomfortable, either so instead of very gently curling an arm around his middle in order to hold him loosely, she sought his hand to hold instead.
That was familiar and comfortable. That was something they could easily share.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-11-28 06:48 pm (UTC)It took a moment for Jyn to compose herself (and tuck away all the other things she wanted to say) before she was able to continue and address what she felt was the most important matter at hand.]
Let them come see me.
Go take a shower and change your clothes. Get something to eat. Then come back here. We can … talk … or rest. I just -
I feel better when you're near.
[It wasn't that Jyn didn't want Cassian around. As a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. For as much as she didn't say it out loud, she thought the message was clear - I want you to take care of yourself.
Let me take care of you like you've been taking care of me.]
no subject
Date: 2019-11-29 03:52 am (UTC)He understood.
Though of course, obligatory: his mouth quirked in a smile for—]
If I smell bad, you can just tell me.
[But he belied himself immediately by raising her hand, in both of his; closing his eyes, and kissing it, yet again.
He lay her hand down at her side before removing both of his. They lingered a moment on the mattress beside her, before he pushed himself by them to his feet.]
Okay. I'll tell them. And I will.
I'll see you after.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-05 02:49 am (UTC)She was glad when it became clear that she didn't need to explain any further, and knowing that made it a little easier to add to the jest - to breathe, actually.]
Pardon me for trying to be a little diplomatic.
[She tried to ignore the rush of breath from her lungs as he lifted their hands and pressed a kiss to hers before setting it down gently and she found her fingers itching to reach out and continue the contact.
Later.]
Okay.
You know where I'll be.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-09 10:49 pm (UTC)caring recognition kinship sameness
love?
He nodded and forced himself to turn away. Paused at the exit, wondering if he looked back if he'd be able to leave after all… but this wasn't… this was just a break. He knew where she was, they were among friends and allies, and he'd be back soon.
So he glanced over his shoulder, shooting her one more smile and blinding eyes, and left.]
[ooc; either of us do a time-jump ahead?]
no subject
Date: 2019-12-12 08:50 pm (UTC)So she visited with their friends while he was off taking care of himself, and tried not to blush at some vague yet somehow still pointed comments being directed her way.
After some reassurance that soon enough, she'd be back on her feet and in fighting shape in no time, they trickled away until she was left to her own devices. Not that there was anything she could really do when she was still sore from surgery and sleepy from the medication being fed into her intravenously.
With nobody around to keep her company, Jyn did the only thing she could do given her current circumstances.
She fell asleep.]
no subject
Date: 2019-12-13 04:57 am (UTC)So he did as she'd said. Showered, changed, got some food. He'd expected the third to be the hardest, but it wasn't. The moment he took a bite of ration bar, he found himself ravenous and got more. The hardest was the first. You couldn't distract yourself from much while in the thought-amplifying box of a shower.
At least she hadn't told him to get some sleep, because that would have been beyond him—in his own quarters. Away from her.
He returned while she was sleeping. He decided not to wake her. He just, as he'd done before, pulled up a chair, and rested his head in his arms at her side, with his fingers so light just beside her wrist. He should be able to feel it when she woke up, and wake with her.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-16 09:41 pm (UTC)Cassian was there, though, somewhere in the vastness of the universe, and even if he never knew it, his welcome home had left an indelible mark on her heart and soul and he was her north star, shining brightly enough to lead her back home, even though he had probably never meant to offer himself instead of a place to belong.
Home, for her, would always be where he was.
Thanks to the painkillers being pumped through her system, when Jyn slept, she slept heavily and without dreaming, just ... floating in dark, quiet nothingness. Waking took more time than usual, too. So it took some time from the moment she cracked an eye to the time she recognized Cassian's bent-over form occupying the chair he'd pulled close to her bedside. For a moment, all she did was observe, but slowly, she slid her hand closer until the tips of their fingers touching - the closest she dared come to curling her fingers around his in order to hold his hand properly.]
no subject
Date: 2020-01-19 04:51 am (UTC)The electricity of just the tips of her fingers rode through him. And he turned his face to her, opening his eyes, and smiling. …And his hand, whether by reflex or decision, moved fully into hers.]
Hi.
Do I smell better?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-01 09:17 am (UTC)So she curled her smaller fingers around his and held on loosely, content enough just to maintain some sense of contact when thus far during her recovery, Cassian had been very careful to keep close without touching her.
It was easy to return his smile, which only widened as he then asked about his smell. All she really knew was that he looked a bit better - still tired, but not nearly as exhausted as he'd appeared a few scant hours before. And that was a good thing, in her opinion.]
I dunno. You're not close enough for me to tell.
[Maybe it was the pain meds, Maybe she wasn't being as careful as she had always been previously. Maybe it was a little of both, but after a moment of contemplation, before she had a proper chance to think her words through, she asked - ]
Do you want to lay with me for a while? It's got to be better for you than that chair. I wouldn't mind sharing -
no subject
Date: 2020-02-04 06:59 am (UTC)Skies gods hells yes… maybe he hadn't been able to admit it to himself until after Scarif, but he'd wanted her in his arms since she'd said trust went both ways.
But…
Voice a bit breathier but more intensely concerned:]
Are you sure it wouldn't hurt? Moving or… pressure?
[Because in a bed that size, even if he was on her stab-free side, he'd still be up against her bruised and overtaxed frame.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-11 08:20 pm (UTC)He'd returned for her time and time again when he hadn't needed to. He'd almost died with her on the beaches of Scarif and sometimes …
Jyn wasn't entirely convinced that they hadn't begun dissolving into stardust, atoms mixing and mingling before they were pulled back from the brink and pieced back together having left inexorable pieces of themselves behind.
Maybe this incident had been the catalyst she needed to knock their orbit off of it's axis, to intersect for once, rather than continue keeping a safe distance apart.
She was touched by his clear concern, but instead of saying as much, she breathed out what amounted to amused chuckle, her grip on his hand tightening in a reassuring squeeze - although whether it was for Cassian or for her or for both of them, she wasn't quite sure.]
I'm on the good painkillers, Cassian, I think I'll be fine.
[A breath. Screw feeling needy, maybe it was time to be a little more forthcoming.]
I just want you near.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-12 07:10 am (UTC)And carefully crossed around to her uninjured side. He thought for a moment before pulling off his jacket, and yet another before toeing off his boots. Part of him wanted to keep them on, as a signal that he was ready and willing to leave the moment she told him to; but he decided, even though any local dirt on his shoes wouldn't stand a chance against the antibiotics they'd surely have her on, it was still better not to push it, or make all the med units have fits.
And, more carefully still, he sat on the edge of the mattress, his eyes on her all the way; then laid himself down, facing her, not touching (yet), to fit himself in the spaces where she wasn't.]
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 07:06 am (UTC)At least, Jyn couldn't piece together what she wanted to say next. Instead, she just watched as Cassian stood and moved to the side of the bed, pause for just a moment before efficiently slipping out of his jacket and then his boots in preparation of joining her.
He sat at the edge of the bed, and her heartbeat sped up even though she kept still, allowing Cassian to take the time he needed to get comfortable, the small smile lifting her lips just slightly very real and not as a result of the painkillers in her bloodstream.
Maybe it was best that she not say anything just quite yet, lest her feelings come tumbling right out with no filter to catch the secrets that she wasn't quite ready to share.
When it seemed like he had settled fairly well, she finally slid her hand a little closer, hoping that he'd want to take it once more. But, just in case he was still worried - ]
See? I'm fine.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 11:57 am (UTC)Maybe his ability to read people was, for a change, actually working with her. Maybe he just knew, if their roles were switched, what he'd be feeling. Something inspired him to say:]
Anything you want. Anything you need. Please tell me. I want to be here for you. More than anything.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-13 04:05 pm (UTC)She hoped that the appreciation she felt to hear Cassian make his offer was obvious in her eyes, the soft smile on her lips that grew with every word spoken and the knowledge that he wouldn't be saying it if he didn't mean it completely.
Now it was her turn to feel speechless, to struggle to find a way to express how much the spoken gesture meant to her - how grateful she was for everything that he had aleady done for her.]
I will, Cassian.
But ...
This is enough. You know, that you're here. With me.
no subject
Date: 2020-02-19 09:01 am (UTC)Eventually whispered,]
So. Shall we swap facts, or tell stories, or jokes, or listen to something, or sleep…?
no subject
Date: 2020-02-19 04:55 pm (UTC)Her smile slowly widened with every suggestion that Cassian made, culminating in one eyebrow raising quizzically. All of those things sounded perfectly acceptable, to be honest, and infinitely better than speaking about anything more ... truthful.
It probably wasn't the time, anyway, with such strong antibiotics and painkillers in her system. But if Cassian was giving Jyn the choice to choose - ]
You need rest. It's okay if you fall asleep, I'll watch over you.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-03 06:24 am (UTC)Thank you.
[Okay, then. He resettled his head a little on the pillow, tried not to be too obvious in the way he looked at her face—drinking her in; then gave her another small. He didn't expect he would be able to sleep, but he could give it a try. He moved as close to her as he could without pushing into her, matched their breathing, and closed his eyes.]
no subject
Date: 2021-03-03 05:26 am (UTC)[It was only fair, considering how vigilantly Cassian had watched over her. Although, it was also a fair assumption that Jyn's wakefulness wouldn't last very long and she would soon join Cassian in sleep.
Her gaze was just as intent as she watched him settle in beside her - leaving a respectable distance as though he was afraid of hurting her or getting too close, touching her in a manner that she didn't want.
Jyn also didn't want to do anything that would make Cassian uncomfortable, either so instead of very gently curling an arm around his middle in order to hold him loosely, she sought his hand to hold instead.
That was familiar and comfortable. That was something they could easily share.]