You're not pushing - [She murmured, lifting her chin just long enough to press a kiss to his jaw. It was easy, since he was practically resting his chin against the top of her head. Sex, she'd had. But this, the intimacy inherent in being this close, holding each other like this ... she was unused to. It wasn't unpleasant.
Besides, she'd been the one to set this whole thing in motion. She'd been forward (to say the least) and suggested that they take this next step. No, Cassian wasn't pushing her into anything that she didn't want.
But she certainly didn't want to make a wrong move, either. To do anything that ruined the sanctity of the moment - and it did feel like something very special to he.
Jyn appreciated the offer that Cassian extended ... although an eyebrow did raise every so gracefully at his choice of words.] Can't stay in here forever, I suppose. No, I wouldn't mind doing each other.
[She couldn't help the tease - he'd made himself vulnerable to it, after all.]
[He tilted his head, ever so slightly, into the kiss. His hands tightened, still gentle, momentarily on her.
He belatedly heard his own language!fail and ducked his head in lieu of a blush. Rather than compound it with more words, he grinned and reached behind them for the soapbar.
He alternated between the bar and his palm, running over her skin, lingering worshipfully across her shoulders and back, her collarbone and neck, and flitting more delicately, over… more sensitive areas. Even so, he met her eyes every time before lightly skimming a breast or her stomach, seeking tacit consent, as he made his way down her torso, to her hips. Then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he knelt before her. He took her foot in his hand to gently urge her to lift it, then place it instead on his braced knee, so he could pay serious attention to her entire leg. Never trespassing too far inward. Even when he dropped some of his affected nonchalance and pressed a kiss into her thigh.]
[Jyn thought, momentarily, that she could get used to sharing more moments just like this.
She was amused by the verbal stumble, but it was unnecessary to tease Cassian any further than she already had. She simply returned the grin, not at all anticipating what was to come next.
The care that Cassian took in washing her, the reverence with which he touched her was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. Nobody had ever treated her so carefully and like she was so fragile - no, not fragile, something special like he was.
He looked to her for permission, he'd see in in her soft, fond gaze or he'd hear in the pleased little noises she made. Jyn laughed a bit as Cassian knelt before her and took great care in laving attention to her leg.
It was the kiss that brought the color out in her cheeks, and before she thought any better of it, she reached out to card her fingers through his hair, tugging gently as she went.]
[He went instantly wherever she pulled him. Lightly skimming her skin with his profile: closed eyes, nose, and lips. He hadn't meant to change the tone of this… make anything seem required or inevitable… but perhaps this was… it felt… all right.]
[Jyn didn't expect anything from Cassian. But given the nature of the conversation that had gotten them to this point in the first place, she would not deny him if things ... heated up from here.
For as content as she was to see him so relaxed and content, Jyn didn't want to make this all about her. In a voice far huskier than usual, she asked - ] Do you want me to do you, too?
[He breathed a laugh and pressed another light kiss into her skin.] I definitely need it more than you did. Please don't tell me what I smell like. [One more kiss, lightest yet, before he gently placed her foot back on the floor, and stood before her; offering her the soap bar.]
[Jyn hummed softly as Cassian kissed her inner thigh again, but for how relaxed she appeared, she was still keenly aware that if he just kissed or touched just a little bit higher ...
But this was good, too. It was probably best to take their time and ease into this new stage of their relationship. It was probably best to figure out now if there were any boundaries to avoid crossing.]
When I'm done with you, you'll smell nice and clean.
[Perhaps later, there would be opportunity to recall this conversation so that she could nuzzle close and quietly admit that she liked the way Cassian smelled.
For the moment, she was as dedicated to the task at hand as Cassian had been with her. Careful and concentrated, she left not an inch of him untouched - at least the parts that she knew were safe to touch. She neared the most sensitive bits as close as she dared, but ultimately leaving the actual cleaning up to him.
She glanced up at him with a mischievious little smile turning her lips up just so, and pressed a kiss to his knee, and then just a little further up, to his thigh. It was only fair, right?]
[…Cassian had quite a lot of—and varied—experience. Including some that involved superficial, circumstantial similarities to this one.
He'd never felt anything remotely like this.
The electricity that coursed through them, reciprocal feedback, how the air itself seemed to vibrate near her, let alone when and where they actually touched…
Was it having her kneeling before him, the kiss she placed on his leg, or…? yes, it was definitely: that mischievous little smile. That made him suddenly have to focus hard on his mental regimen to keep his autonomic reflexes from… reflexing.
Usually, he had exceptional control.
Thing was… it had been years… of being (by choice or mostly not) in all sorts of situations and gaining all sorts of experiences, but always fundamentally wondering—What it be like to do this because he wanted to? With someone he liked?
And here they were. Here she was.
He succeeded in diminishing in his involuntary response—partly. But what she'd just done still had an obvious effect.]
Cassian hadn't had to come out share those experiences nor the circumstances in which he had had them, but he'd shared enough of his past to know that this was something of a rarity for him -
Choosing to be with her. Wanting to be with her.
But then, she had never really felt anything quite like this before, either, the connection, the spark that passed between the both of them as they cared for each other in this brand new (and sort of terrifying) way. It was all so new, but Jyn welcomed each new step they took with each other.
She was not at all unaware of the effect all of this was having on Cassian, but Jyn brought not attention to it as she slowly got to her feet and stepped a little closer, handing the soap back over with that same small smile lifting her lips.]
You know - [she started, conversationally enough, slightly teasing, but still very, very honest] You don't have to hold anything back from me.
[Her gaze was warm, her movements slow and deliberate as she reached out to set her palm lightly against his hip, completing the contact circuit between them, even while maintaining a respectable distance from each other - at least as respectable as sharing a shower cubicle could offer.
Jyn wanted to be closer, but she wasn't keen on rushing anything along, especially in the wake of that admittance. It did help settle some of her nerves, though, since she found herself in the exact same position.
This wanting was different to anything Jyn had known before, but then, she had never felt anything quite like what she felt for Cassian. And if he thought that the way he was laying himself bare in front of her wasn't sexy, then he had another thing coming. Sexy didn't always have to do with the physical, it could be tied into the emotional as well.]
Perfect sense. [She nodded slightly, her grip tightening just so.] I don't really know what I'm doing, either, what I'm supposed to do or say or - anything.
But I was hoping that maybe we could learn together.
[The humming of molecules, vibrating existence, every where they touched; and the thrumming of her palm on his hip travelled straight through him, to the core.
Mirroring her, slow and careful, but maybe not so tentative, he ran his palm down her side and settled it, like hers on him, at her hip.
Learn together. Yes. No amount of technical knowledge could replace individual familiarity. But this was so much more, so beyond just that.
[It did sound wonderful. And more than she had ever hoped to find with Cassian, so Jyn wasn't going to take a single second of any of this for granted. She wanted to commit every moment to memory, wanted to relish every touch (and although they hadn't even kissed yet, oh, how she wanted to relish that, too), wanted to make the most of this time they had been granted.]
So, if we're done in here …
[Her lips curved upward slyly and she shrugged, even though she made no effort to move away just quite yet.
If they were done in the shower, perhaps they could get out, dry off, discover what was going to happen next, together.]
[Small, but more than enough to stoke the warmth gathering in the pit of her belly. Small, but more than enough for Jyn to want to commit to memory, as well.
Jyn might have shivered a bit as Cassian reached around her to shut the water off, but she wasn't cold and wasn't nervous.
Just … anticipating.
She laughed a bit in the wake of the question, shrugging one shoulder slightly.] Towel. The hair kind of makes it a necessity.
[I want to know everything you're willing to share with me. Even the mundane details. Especially the mundane details.]
Depends how much time I have and how presentable I have to look. Both or neither. But towels are nicer.
[His arm hovered a moment longer; its hand lit for an instant on her back.
Then he did that sort-of-blush thing again (ridiculous, they'd hardly just arrived in this situation), and opened the door, for her to step out first.]
[Jyn understood. She was far more used to quick and efficient not only when it came to bathing but in drying off as well. Towels were nice, but she was more accustomed to dressing and moving on.
Her smile softened as she felt the light, fleeting touch of hand to back, and it was a little ridiculous to feel the heat warm her cheeks even in the wake of it.
Jyn said nothing as she nodded her understanding, taking one step before reaching back to catch his fingers with hers to lead Cassian out as well.]
[Their joining of hands made definitely color rise in his cheeks; and more warmth in his eyes; and his fingers curled gently back around hers. He might have blushed further at the question, if one could tell…?]
[The high color in her cheeks was a match, but Jyn didn't find it a weakness or a liability more than she wanted Cassian to know without question that she was as affected by … all of this as he was.
She paused only long enough to open the panel that he'd directed to, pulling out a towel for him, and then one for her, only disappointed when the hand-holding had to come to an end in order to let the drying commence.]
I wasn't planning on going anywhere else, either. [Her smile widened even as the color in her cheeks deepened.] I'd - yeah, I'd like to stay.
[A quick grin—easy and warm, so incongruous with his spy and captain faces, a glimpse of the person he might have been if not for… everything. But not alien to Jyn, 'cause when he did it at all, it tended to be to her. He accepted the towel, dried off quickly but not rushing, the cursory scrub to his hair leaving it wild, and finally, after a hesitation, wrapped it around his waist; thinking it a bit silly to cover up now, not wanting her to think either of them need hide now—but ultimately it was just where it best went for walking into the other room.]
The heating's pretty good, for Hoth, but… you know. I have things you can borrow. Or… you know. Blankets.
[Trying so hard to neither suggest nor not suggest. Like this was perfectly normal and they'd done it many times.
'Cause… that was an achingly good imagining. Comfortable and easy and having known her all his life.]
[It's a phenomenon that Jyn thought she would always be incredibly fortunate to bear witness to - that light in his eyes when he looked at her, how easily he smiled. Sometimes, she marveled that she could offer the same, that she even still had the capability to be soft and warm and loving after all she had endured, all she had seen and done …
But here they were. And she was laughing as she reached up to tousle his messy hair before drying off as quickly and efficiently as Cassian had, her own hair a wild, wavy cloud framing her face.
Following his lead, Jyn soon wrapped her towel securely around her and once more reached for his hand in order to re-establish contact. She appreciated the careful way he continued making it clear that he had no expectations of her and how the rest of the night was going to go.
Truth was, even though this had started one way, Jyn didn't have any expectations of Cassian, either. They could just … go to sleep together, and that would be more than enough for her.]
Yeah. You could always keep me warm, too.
{Not entirely innocuous, but not entirely explicit in its meaning. That could be determined once the time came.
(It was an achingly good imagining - one that Jyn indulged in more than she felt was healthy.) They had right now, though, and it was real, and it felt just as good.]
[His smile turned… shyer? when she ruffled his hair, and as he reached up, in turn, to touch hers.
Likewise, when she reached for his hand, he immediately reached back.
His fingers curled a little more tightly around hers at her suggestion. Though he said it gently, every fiber in him was tangibly vibrating:]
That's the best idea I've ever heard.
[He knew how to be smooth… but that was technique, not him. He was never going to technique her. And, with her, he didn't want to try to be anyone but himself. They both required that. So, even while very clearly, in the faint hunch of his shoulders and slight smile, rolling his eyes at himself, he went for awkward as feke.]
If one of us had hypothermia, best thing would be under the blankets skin-to-skin. Which… is where my mind is now. But… there's no need to move fast. I have sleepwear enough for both of us. Which would be comfortable, too.
[His smile turned sweeter and made her feel radiant, and the ache in Jyn's heart only intensified to see it, to watch as he returned the gesture and touched her still-damp hair, too.
Her own smile ticked a few degrees wider at how quickly he reached out for her, bridging what little gap remained between them, how quickly and gently he wrapped his calloused fingers around hers, giving her reassurance again that yes, this was what he wanted, too, it wasn't just her.
Jyn wanted to offer some sort of an answer but found the words lacking. She hoped that her unguarded smile and the light in her eyes were enough to show just how much she liked the idea, too.
For as difficult as it was to lay themselves bare in front of each other, Jyn was glad to have the opportunity to ... let each other in. Even if that meant letting each other see their awkwardness, their shyness, the vulnerability that they couldn't show to anyone else in any other situation.
So - if Cassian thought he was rambling, Jyn was hanging on to every word. It was an understandable place for his mind to go, in any case. But - ]
My mind is with yours. But I also think that if you want to, I can borrow a shirt and you can wear the bottoms and we'll ... meet in the middle. Avoid making unncessary dirty laundry.
[Jyn couldn't judge. She and Cassian both had spent the majority of their lives being anything but open and honest and vulnerable. Vulnerability was tantamount to weakness, and showing weakness got you killed.
But here, they were as safe as they were probably ever going to be. They trusted each other, very clearly wanted each other. The difficulty lied in baring themselves and running the risk of being hurt. She didn't know the first thing about sharing real intimacy with another being, but for as much as she'd convinced herself that she was only ever going to make mistakes and Cassian would end up regretting giving her such unfettered access to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of backing out now.
Even if nothing physical happened, they were still approaching the point of no return.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Besides, she'd been the one to set this whole thing in motion. She'd been forward (to say the least) and suggested that they take this next step. No, Cassian wasn't pushing her into anything that she didn't want.
But she certainly didn't want to make a wrong move, either. To do anything that ruined the sanctity of the moment - and it did feel like something very special to he.
Jyn appreciated the offer that Cassian extended ... although an eyebrow did raise every so gracefully at his choice of words.] Can't stay in here forever, I suppose. No, I wouldn't mind doing each other.
[She couldn't help the tease - he'd made himself vulnerable to it, after all.]
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He belatedly heard his own language!fail and ducked his head in lieu of a blush. Rather than compound it with more words, he grinned and reached behind them for the soapbar.
He alternated between the bar and his palm, running over her skin, lingering worshipfully across her shoulders and back, her collarbone and neck, and flitting more delicately, over… more sensitive areas. Even so, he met her eyes every time before lightly skimming a breast or her stomach, seeking tacit consent, as he made his way down her torso, to her hips. Then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he knelt before her. He took her foot in his hand to gently urge her to lift it, then place it instead on his braced knee, so he could pay serious attention to her entire leg. Never trespassing too far inward. Even when he dropped some of his affected nonchalance and pressed a kiss into her thigh.]
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She was amused by the verbal stumble, but it was unnecessary to tease Cassian any further than she already had. She simply returned the grin, not at all anticipating what was to come next.
The care that Cassian took in washing her, the reverence with which he touched her was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. Nobody had ever treated her so carefully and like she was so fragile - no, not fragile, something special like he was.
He looked to her for permission, he'd see in in her soft, fond gaze or he'd hear in the pleased little noises she made. Jyn laughed a bit as Cassian knelt before her and took great care in laving attention to her leg.
It was the kiss that brought the color out in her cheeks, and before she thought any better of it, she reached out to card her fingers through his hair, tugging gently as she went.]
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For as content as she was to see him so relaxed and content, Jyn didn't want to make this all about her. In a voice far huskier than usual, she asked - ] Do you want me to do you, too?
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But this was good, too. It was probably best to take their time and ease into this new stage of their relationship. It was probably best to figure out now if there were any boundaries to avoid crossing.]
When I'm done with you, you'll smell nice and clean.
[Perhaps later, there would be opportunity to recall this conversation so that she could nuzzle close and quietly admit that she liked the way Cassian smelled.
For the moment, she was as dedicated to the task at hand as Cassian had been with her. Careful and concentrated, she left not an inch of him untouched - at least the parts that she knew were safe to touch. She neared the most sensitive bits as close as she dared, but ultimately leaving the actual cleaning up to him.
She glanced up at him with a mischievious little smile turning her lips up just so, and pressed a kiss to his knee, and then just a little further up, to his thigh. It was only fair, right?]
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He'd never felt anything remotely like this.
The electricity that coursed through them, reciprocal feedback, how the air itself seemed to vibrate near her, let alone when and where they actually touched…
Was it having her kneeling before him, the kiss she placed on his leg, or…? yes, it was definitely: that mischievous little smile. That made him suddenly have to focus hard on his mental regimen to keep his autonomic reflexes from… reflexing.
Usually, he had exceptional control.
Thing was… it had been years… of being (by choice or mostly not) in all sorts of situations and gaining all sorts of experiences, but always fundamentally wondering—What it be like to do this because he wanted to? With someone he liked?
And here they were. Here she was.
He succeeded in diminishing in his involuntary response—partly. But what she'd just done still had an obvious effect.]
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Cassian hadn't had to come out share those experiences nor the circumstances in which he had had them, but he'd shared enough of his past to know that this was something of a rarity for him -
Choosing to be with her. Wanting to be with her.
But then, she had never really felt anything quite like this before, either, the connection, the spark that passed between the both of them as they cared for each other in this brand new (and sort of terrifying) way. It was all so new, but Jyn welcomed each new step they took with each other.
She was not at all unaware of the effect all of this was having on Cassian, but Jyn brought not attention to it as she slowly got to her feet and stepped a little closer, handing the soap back over with that same small smile lifting her lips.]
You know - [she started, conversationally enough, slightly teasing, but still very, very honest] You don't have to hold anything back from me.
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[His tone was joking, back… but this was too important to leave at that, even if his eyes dropped again.
Grr… how to say what might need saying without completely ruining the wonderfully light and gentle mood between them right now…?
Finally settled on—with his hand running gently over the rise her shoulder, his gaze adoring and appreciative in its wake:]
It's not usually safe to let on that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
Not terribly sexy. But… also… surprisingly… good? Am I making any sense?
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Jyn wanted to be closer, but she wasn't keen on rushing anything along, especially in the wake of that admittance. It did help settle some of her nerves, though, since she found herself in the exact same position.
This wanting was different to anything Jyn had known before, but then, she had never felt anything quite like what she felt for Cassian. And if he thought that the way he was laying himself bare in front of her wasn't sexy, then he had another thing coming. Sexy didn't always have to do with the physical, it could be tied into the emotional as well.]
Perfect sense. [She nodded slightly, her grip tightening just so.] I don't really know what I'm doing, either, what I'm supposed to do or say or - anything.
But I was hoping that maybe we could learn together.
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Mirroring her, slow and careful, but maybe not so tentative, he ran his palm down her side and settled it, like hers on him, at her hip.
Learn together. Yes. No amount of technical knowledge could replace individual familiarity. But this was so much more, so beyond just that.
Voice quiet, eyes alight:] That sounds wonderful.
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So, if we're done in here …
[Her lips curved upward slyly and she shrugged, even though she made no effort to move away just quite yet.
If they were done in the shower, perhaps they could get out, dry off, discover what was going to happen next, together.]
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I think so.
[He reached gently past her, like before, to turn off the water.
Then let his hand on the controls (and arm around her) hover a moment, to ask:] Air dry or towel?
[Not just procedural questions. He was fascinated to know all her preferences. For everything.]
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Jyn might have shivered a bit as Cassian reached around her to shut the water off, but she wasn't cold and wasn't nervous.
Just … anticipating.
She laughed a bit in the wake of the question, shrugging one shoulder slightly.] Towel. The hair kind of makes it a necessity.
[I want to know everything you're willing to share with me. Even the mundane details. Especially the mundane details.]
You?
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[His arm hovered a moment longer; its hand lit for an instant on her back.
Then he did that sort-of-blush thing again (ridiculous, they'd hardly just arrived in this situation), and opened the door, for her to step out first.]
Behind the panel to your left.
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Her smile softened as she felt the light, fleeting touch of hand to back, and it was a little ridiculous to feel the heat warm her cheeks even in the wake of it.
Jyn said nothing as she nodded her understanding, taking one step before reaching back to catch his fingers with hers to lead Cassian out as well.]
Are we making ourselves presentable, then?
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I… wasn't planning on… going out again, tonight.
Of course we can if you want to.
…You're also welcome… to… stay.
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She paused only long enough to open the panel that he'd directed to, pulling out a towel for him, and then one for her, only disappointed when the hand-holding had to come to an end in order to let the drying commence.]
I wasn't planning on going anywhere else, either. [Her smile widened even as the color in her cheeks deepened.] I'd - yeah, I'd like to stay.
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The heating's pretty good, for Hoth, but… you know. I have things you can borrow. Or… you know. Blankets.
[Trying so hard to neither suggest nor not suggest. Like this was perfectly normal and they'd done it many times.
'Cause… that was an achingly good imagining. Comfortable and easy and having known her all his life.]
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But here they were. And she was laughing as she reached up to tousle his messy hair before drying off as quickly and efficiently as Cassian had, her own hair a wild, wavy cloud framing her face.
Following his lead, Jyn soon wrapped her towel securely around her and once more reached for his hand in order to re-establish contact. She appreciated the careful way he continued making it clear that he had no expectations of her and how the rest of the night was going to go.
Truth was, even though this had started one way, Jyn didn't have any expectations of Cassian, either. They could just … go to sleep together, and that would be more than enough for her.]
Yeah. You could always keep me warm, too.
{Not entirely innocuous, but not entirely explicit in its meaning. That could be determined once the time came.
(It was an achingly good imagining - one that Jyn indulged in more than she felt was healthy.) They had right now, though, and it was real, and it felt just as good.]
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Likewise, when she reached for his hand, he immediately reached back.
His fingers curled a little more tightly around hers at her suggestion. Though he said it gently, every fiber in him was tangibly vibrating:]
That's the best idea I've ever heard.
[He knew how to be smooth… but that was technique, not him. He was never going to technique her. And, with her, he didn't want to try to be anyone but himself. They both required that. So, even while very clearly, in the faint hunch of his shoulders and slight smile, rolling his eyes at himself, he went for awkward as feke.]
If one of us had hypothermia, best thing would be under the blankets skin-to-skin. Which… is where my mind is now. But… there's no need to move fast. I have sleepwear enough for both of us. Which would be comfortable, too.
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Her own smile ticked a few degrees wider at how quickly he reached out for her, bridging what little gap remained between them, how quickly and gently he wrapped his calloused fingers around hers, giving her reassurance again that yes, this was what he wanted, too, it wasn't just her.
Jyn wanted to offer some sort of an answer but found the words lacking. She hoped that her unguarded smile and the light in her eyes were enough to show just how much she liked the idea, too.
For as difficult as it was to lay themselves bare in front of each other, Jyn was glad to have the opportunity to ... let each other in. Even if that meant letting each other see their awkwardness, their shyness, the vulnerability that they couldn't show to anyone else in any other situation.
So - if Cassian thought he was rambling, Jyn was hanging on to every word. It was an understandable place for his mind to go, in any case. But - ]
My mind is with yours. But I also think that if you want to, I can borrow a shirt and you can wear the bottoms and we'll ... meet in the middle. Avoid making unncessary dirty laundry.
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[He bit his lip to stop himself saying anything too much… then remembered that they were trying to say too much. Say everything.]
…you saw what I want.
[And he'd downplayed and she'd said it was okay. But perhaps he'd been a little lying with politeness, then, and maybe, maybe she hadn't been…?]
I want… anything you want to give. Or have. With me.
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But here, they were as safe as they were probably ever going to be. They trusted each other, very clearly wanted each other. The difficulty lied in baring themselves and running the risk of being hurt. She didn't know the first thing about sharing real intimacy with another being, but for as much as she'd convinced herself that she was only ever going to make mistakes and Cassian would end up regretting giving her such unfettered access to him, she couldn't stomach the thought of backing out now.
Even if nothing physical happened, they were still approaching the point of no return.
Okay. Honesty. No holding back.]
I want everything with you.
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