That trace of a smile from her gets an answering one from him; and when she drops her eyes, he follows her lead (always) and drinks, too. Less downing it than nursing it.]
Thanks for inviting me out. Was setting myself up to dream in data reports.
Not that she thinks she can say it, though, not even with a few drinks coursing through her veins. They're supposed to bolster her courage, but instead, Jyn finds that they've rendered her unable to think of the right words.
There's no judgment in her expression when she looks back up and notices that he hasn't finished his drink like she was. It doesn't matter, all things considered.
The only thing that matters is that he's here.]
Mm ... that's no fun. [She almost offers to help him dream about something more pleasant, but that is ... ridiculous, so she bites the offer back.] I'm glad you came out.
Well, if you want to cut down on the possibility of that happening - [she offered, shrugging slightly] - we can always just take a walk. I'd hate to make you look bad in front of SpecForce.
I highly doubt I would even notice, honestly - [she answered, a little without thinking, a lot too close to the truth of the matter, why she'd even asked Cassian out to begin with] - so let them laugh.
Mmhm. No problems here. [Jyn's gaze flickered to the table, where Cassian's fingers were resting close enough for her to reach out and touch. And how she wanted to graze his hand with hers, just the softest reassurance that she was so glad that he'd decided to take her up on her offer to come out for a bit.] No - [She began, her lips quirking up just so] Just you.
[A quirk of a smile back, before delivering utterly deadpan:] Of course. 'Cause I'm a barrel of laughs.
[His eyes lowered to their hands as well; one of his fingers curled a bit on the tabletop—as if wanting to touch hers, too.] People like you, you know. I'm not sure you know that.
[Jyn rolled her eyes, but there was no particular heat behind the gesture. Surely Cassian knew that he didn't have to be anything other than he was for her to like him, want to spend time with him, get to know him better.] Yeah, well, neither am I.
[She chuckled softly, shrugging her shoulders, glancing down at Cassian's hand again, wondering if it would be too much to just reach out, just touch, just share some sort of hint that she was happy he'd come out, that he was with her.] Mm. I don't think I'm particularly likeable. I'll have to trust you about that.
[Especially in the ways in which she didn't fit in and didn't compromise to appease others and was impatient with or indifferent to so many of the usual things… she was stubborn and irreverent and anarchic and unpredictable and provocative and perfectly amazing. And he wasn't the only one who saw it; was drawn to and refreshed by and respected it.]
…I mean, for one thing, you're a war hero.
[He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. They both knew war too well to find that entirely positive.]
[At least somebody could appreciate Jyn for all that she was without condemning her for everything that she wasn't. All the better that that person was Cassian.
But then he mentioned the words war hero, and it was probably pretty immediate that that was not the right thing to say. Her expression hardened and she pulled her hand away, just on the verge of pulling all the way back into herself.]
I'm no hero. To be quite honest, Cassian, I pity anyone who thinks that of me ... or ... thinks that I'd be impressed that they thought it of me.
[He wasn't sure how to walk back from what he'd said. Now that he'd brought it up, it felt wrong to just take it back, because the fact was, objectively, she was. Such things weren't up to the person they were about, they were up to everyone else. At the same time, he definitely agreed he shouldn't have brought it up. Could he say both?]
Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say. …Even though, you actually are. Think about it: so is K-2.
[The best thing would be to move on to another topic of conversation entirely, and even then, Jyn couldn't guarantee that her newfound bad mood would improve. But of course, things could never be that easy, could they?]
For being as observant as you are, you aren't really understanding that I don't want to talk about this.
[Don't get upset. This clearly wasn't meant to instigate or bring up painful memories that were still so very close to the surface. Innocent mistake, that was all.]
This is not why I invited you out tonight. So if you'd please talk about something else, anything else - !
[Why did you invite me? was a terrible move. A mean one. It turned the burden of direction and revelation onto her, when he was the one who needed to atone right now.
Self-abasement, then.]
So… until recently, I was doing a pretty good job not having many know who I was. Now a lot of people seem to. And I've got people like Kes Dameron and Shara Bey telling me my eating habits are the worst and threatening to teach me how to cook. I don't know what to do about it.
[Jyn wouldn't have been surprised if Cassian had elected not to stay. She'd shifted gears from warm and congenial to short and obstinate in the course of a few sentences, and that's - that's not the person she wanted to be.
But ... she also couldn't sit back and gratefully accept being called a hero when the very thought of the word applying to her and all the things she'd done made Jyn feel sick to her stomach.
So - what?
Jyn chanced a glance at Cassian as he steered the conversation elsewhere, finally allowing a soft, amused puff of breath to escape her lips.] You should accept. Couldn't hurt. You are a little skinny.
[Or worse for wear. They both were. So the sentiment could easily be turned right back on Jyn.]
[Clearly, Cassian wasn't the only one who brought the heavy thoughts. This was supposed to be light and easy, a chance to get away from all the uncertainty head, the loss and pain still weighing down every breath.
Birds of a feather ... ]
I have not had dinner. You offering?
[She nodded then, completely understanding Cassian's meaning. She'd spent a lifetime fending for herself, same as he had. She knew lean times. She knew desperate moments that called for desperate measures.
She knew.]
I know. I don't normally indulge like this.
[But she did sometimes - not often - allow herself to mourn.]
[You offering?] Yeah, I am. [His smile turned into an outright grin. He pushed himself clear of the mess table to cross to and lever himself over the counter to the food prep area. If the ingredients were there… ah, yes:] There's one thing I know how to make. Haven't taken the opportunity in a while. If you don't mind it taking a few minutes…?
[I don't normally indulge like this.] I know. It's nice, right now, that you can. That you trust us enough.
[Jyn hadn't really been expecting Cassian to answer in the affirmative, but he did, and she managed a laugh as she watched him get up and lean into the food prep area, curious to find out just what he thought he was doing.] I don't mind, so please do.
[She'd said it before, but maybe it was worth saying again - ] I - I'm glad you're here with me, too.
[A moment of stillness as he paused what he was doing to look up at her, almost shyly, and smile. He was glad, too.
But he quickly got back to work. In not very long, he came back out with a plateful of something lightly fried that smelled wonderful, and slid it halfway across the table to her as he slid back onto a seat.] I was told this is traditional on my father's homeworld. Though I've never been there and he's not the one who taught me, so who knows?
[ooc: It's Diego Luna's fault for joking about Cassian making great chilaquiles.]
[Jyn sat and waited patiently and tried not to get lost in her own thoughts, because inevitably, they would bring her down all over again. And thankfully, sooner rather than later, Cassian arrived with food in hand.
And it looked good and smelled good and her stomach rumbled accordingly. Still, she didn't yet take a bite, listening to Cassian tell the story of what the dish was.] It's in your blood. Well, come on, take a bite with me.
[He breathed out and grinned and obeyed. It hadn't turned out perfect, but pretty good. He made a sound of remembering and stood again to grab them drinks, opening the bottles on the edge of the table as he returned to it.] Kes Dameron taught me. He does it better. Have you met him?
[Cassian's grin took Jyn's breath away. She had to force herself to look away and down in order to quell the sudden flipping of her heart. But she thought she was back to herself once again as Cassian returned to his seat, drinks in hand, and she shook her head in response to his query.] By reputation only. I've never had opportunity to meet him properly.
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Date: 2019-07-25 11:18 am (UTC)That trace of a smile from her gets an answering one from him; and when she drops her eyes, he follows her lead (always) and drinks, too. Less downing it than nursing it.]
Thanks for inviting me out. Was setting myself up to dream in data reports.
[Worse, usually, but point hopefully made.]
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Date: 2019-07-26 10:58 pm (UTC)Not that she thinks she can say it, though, not even with a few drinks coursing through her veins. They're supposed to bolster her courage, but instead, Jyn finds that they've rendered her unable to think of the right words.
There's no judgment in her expression when she looks back up and notices that he hasn't finished his drink like she was. It doesn't matter, all things considered.
The only thing that matters is that he's here.]
Mm ... that's no fun. [She almost offers to help him dream about something more pleasant, but that is ... ridiculous, so she bites the offer back.] I'm glad you came out.
[<33333333333333]
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Date: 2019-07-29 02:04 pm (UTC)If any members of SpecForce stop by, there might be some mocking. I don't do this a lot.
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Date: 2019-07-30 05:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-07-30 01:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-03 02:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-04 04:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-06 04:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-07 12:52 am (UTC)[His eyes lowered to their hands as well; one of his fingers curled a bit on the tabletop—as if wanting to touch hers, too.] People like you, you know. I'm not sure you know that.
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Date: 2019-08-08 02:53 am (UTC)[She chuckled softly, shrugging her shoulders, glancing down at Cassian's hand again, wondering if it would be too much to just reach out, just touch, just share some sort of hint that she was happy he'd come out, that he was with her.] Mm. I don't think I'm particularly likeable. I'll have to trust you about that.
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Date: 2019-08-09 02:40 am (UTC)[Especially in the ways in which she didn't fit in and didn't compromise to appease others and was impatient with or indifferent to so many of the usual things… she was stubborn and irreverent and anarchic and unpredictable and provocative and perfectly amazing. And he wasn't the only one who saw it; was drawn to and refreshed by and respected it.]
…I mean, for one thing, you're a war hero.
[He winced as soon as the words left his mouth. They both knew war too well to find that entirely positive.]
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Date: 2019-08-10 06:34 am (UTC)But then he mentioned the words war hero, and it was probably pretty immediate that that was not the right thing to say. Her expression hardened and she pulled her hand away, just on the verge of pulling all the way back into herself.]
I'm no hero. To be quite honest, Cassian, I pity anyone who thinks that of me ... or ... thinks that I'd be impressed that they thought it of me.
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Date: 2019-08-11 08:23 pm (UTC)Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say. …Even though, you actually are. Think about it: so is K-2.
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Date: 2019-08-12 02:45 am (UTC)For being as observant as you are, you aren't really understanding that I don't want to talk about this.
[Don't get upset. This clearly wasn't meant to instigate or bring up painful memories that were still so very close to the surface. Innocent mistake, that was all.]
This is not why I invited you out tonight. So if you'd please talk about something else, anything else - !
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Date: 2019-08-14 02:22 am (UTC)[Why did you invite me? was a terrible move. A mean one. It turned the burden of direction and revelation onto her, when he was the one who needed to atone right now.
Self-abasement, then.]
So… until recently, I was doing a pretty good job not having many know who I was. Now a lot of people seem to. And I've got people like Kes Dameron and Shara Bey telling me my eating habits are the worst and threatening to teach me how to cook. I don't know what to do about it.
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Date: 2019-08-18 09:52 pm (UTC)But ... she also couldn't sit back and gratefully accept being called a hero when the very thought of the word applying to her and all the things she'd done made Jyn feel sick to her stomach.
So - what?
Jyn chanced a glance at Cassian as he steered the conversation elsewhere, finally allowing a soft, amused puff of breath to escape her lips.] You should accept. Couldn't hurt. You are a little skinny.
[Or worse for wear. They both were. So the sentiment could easily be turned right back on Jyn.]
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Date: 2019-08-19 06:09 am (UTC)Says the woman drinking without food. Have you had dinner?
Hard to change tracks. You know. Life on the Rim.
[And as a child soldier.]
The Alliance doesn't always have a lot to go around. We're in a good spell, right now.
[Despite having lost Bail Organa.
Ugh. This might be another reason Cassian didn't go out drinking much; he always brought the heavy thoughts.]
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Date: 2019-08-20 02:58 am (UTC)Birds of a feather ... ]
I have not had dinner. You offering?
[She nodded then, completely understanding Cassian's meaning. She'd spent a lifetime fending for herself, same as he had. She knew lean times. She knew desperate moments that called for desperate measures.
She knew.]
I know. I don't normally indulge like this.
[But she did sometimes - not often - allow herself to mourn.]
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Date: 2019-08-20 03:06 am (UTC)[I don't normally indulge like this.] I know. It's nice, right now, that you can. That you trust us enough.
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Date: 2019-08-20 06:10 am (UTC)[She'd said it before, but maybe it was worth saying again - ] I - I'm glad you're here with me, too.
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Date: 2019-08-20 09:55 am (UTC)But he quickly got back to work. In not very long, he came back out with a plateful of something lightly fried that smelled wonderful, and slid it halfway across the table to her as he slid back onto a seat.] I was told this is traditional on my father's homeworld. Though I've never been there and he's not the one who taught me, so who knows?
[ooc: It's Diego Luna's fault for joking about Cassian making great chilaquiles.]
yessss cassian's chilaquiles i approve
Date: 2019-08-21 01:24 am (UTC)And it looked good and smelled good and her stomach rumbled accordingly. Still, she didn't yet take a bite, listening to Cassian tell the story of what the dish was.] It's in your blood. Well, come on, take a bite with me.
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Date: 2019-08-30 09:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-10 10:26 pm (UTC)[He tapped her bottle with his.] Cheers.
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