Jyn toed hers off, as well, more than ready to take a little break and to get a little more comfortable. It was a good question, and one she didn't really know how to answer. "I suppose I never thought much about it, really. I did help my mother and father with their work, when I could, so I think I thought I'd follow in their footsteps. What about you?"
"I don't know," he said, lying back on their bed and looking up at the ceiling. The future seemed so uncertain when he was a child. It was so hard for him to grasp that he would grow into an adult who would eventually have to choose a path to take. "I don't know. I wanted to make this galaxy a better place."
She soon follows suit, quiet as she curls up close to his side, automatically reaching for his hand, always happy to thread their fingers together in order to be close. "Do you feel as if you've managed to do that - even just a little?"
"Maybe a little," he said and then he chuckled but there wasn't any warmth behind it. "I imagined myself being a hero...not - not gathering intel from sources in back alleys and underground rooms." He looked over at her.
It's a familiar sound if only because she's made the same one more than occasion. "Why do you think that you're not a hero? Look at what we did on Scarif. If that isn't heroic, I don't know what is." She knew that he meant the things he'd done previously - and might be called upon to do again. "You're my hero."
He smiled at her almost sadly when she called him her hero. He'd never heard such kinder words from anyone before. Unlike X-Wing pilots, his heroism wasn't visible. He didn't have a flashy uniform or a team. It was only himself.
Maybe that was part of the problem; that he couldn't be recognized for many of his actions. But here in the quiet, Jyn could - and it might not make much of a difference, but she'd do it anyway, if it helped if even just a little. "Couldn't have gotten the plans out without you. I wouldn't be here without you. Cassian ... you do know what you mean to me, don't you?"
He didn't do it for the acknowledgment or praise - he did everything that was asked of him by the Alliance because he thought it was right - the right thing to do. He justified all the deaths caused by his hand - all the assignments given to him - He justified everything that made him questioned the Alliance's morality because it was the right thing to do. "I do." He did - at least he thought he did.
Right didn't mean easy, and it certainly didn't always mean totally moral. But they did what was necessary to get the job done. But even then, just knowing that his efforts were appreciated could go a long way toward ... keeping up morale. Especially now. "You're my everything."
"I am", she answered, returning the smile. "And you're mine". And then, if Jyn had anything else to say (and she probably did), it was lost in the moment that their lips met, and her eyes fluttered shut, and she took the opportunity to fully enjoy just being together.
Despite both of them having a hard exterior with walls built high around them, Jyn has made him soft and gentle and it wasn't a bad thing at all. This is the first time he's ever experienced such tenderness with another person.
When he broke the kiss after a few seconds, he opened his eyes and kissed her forehead. "Thank you."
He's helped her accept and embrace that part of herself, too, and she's learned not to fight against it or be afraid of it like she'd been used to. Now, between the two of them, it felt as natural as breathing.
She hummed softly, slow to open her eyes to take him in. "Did I help?"
Well, Jyn couldn't really question the veracity of the kisses more than she could laugh helplessly as she received them - not that she was in any mood to deny him the pleasure of sharing them.
It was moments like these that Jyn allowed herself to believe, however momentarily, that things were going to be okay. Because the thought of not having this was almost too much to bear. "What now, Captain? Take a nap while we can?"
"Might as well, they probably went me to work on the droids through the afternoon and into the evening," he said. He wouldn't be surprised if he worked into the next morning.
"Then a few hours of rest will do you good. And, if you want some assistance, you've got me. It's not like I had anything more pressing to do tonight, anyway." That, and she'd learned the hard way that it was beginning to sleep alone now.
If she was a little slower to get undressed, surely it was understandable - as it so happens, Jyn really liked to watch, and now was no exception. But eventually, she was as prepared to get some rest as she was ever going to be.
He got under the covers, pulling Jyn's side down for her. When she got into bed next to him, he wrapped his arm around her waist. "Thank you. I'm sure you're not tired." It was just past noon after all.
He was right. She wasn't exactly tired, but she wasn't going to pass up the opportunity for a few hours of uninterrupted rest, especially if it meant being able to do so while all tangled up with each other. Jyn settled, and smiled, and shrugged. "I'm sure I'll manage."
He chuckled, then, because they were so clearly head over heels for each other that even lying next to each other in silence was enough for them - not that anything would be enough for them, but that any time they spent together was precious and not something they wanted to take for granted.
Because they were both very well aware that nothing was guaranteed, especially time, even the littlest, quietest moments were both appreciated and enjoyed to their fullest. "Get your rest", Jyn murmured, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, "I'll be here when you wake up."
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Date: 2017-01-09 04:03 am (UTC)When he broke the kiss after a few seconds, he opened his eyes and kissed her forehead. "Thank you."
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Date: 2017-01-09 04:22 am (UTC)She hummed softly, slow to open her eyes to take him in. "Did I help?"
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