[Jyn wanted to stop - to rest and catch her breath and regain her bearings. But at the same time, she knew that if she stopped, she wouldn't start again. For as much as it hurt, for as dizzy and tired she was, she needed to keep moving.
Thank the Force for Cassian. If he weren't assisting her, Jyn didn't know where she would be - just that it would have been bad.
I've got you, he said, and she believed that was true.]
I - I'm lucky for that. One more block. I think I might make it.
[A…nd… there. One of their team in a landspeeder, waiting to take them to their transport. Cassian helped Jyn inside before climbing in next to her—and even though he was no longer needed to support her weight, his arm stayed around her as they started to drive.]
[She wanted to argue. They both knew that neither could make any promises, especially not of this nature, but instead, she took solace in it, and the earnestness with which he offered it.
She was going to be okay.
They'd made it this far, after all, a handful of long blocks away from the bakery where she'd been bleeding out and certain that she would never make it to this point. But Cassian had come for her, put the mission on the line for her, and Jyn didn't know how to thank him ... again.
She grunted as he helped her into the speeder, and didn't even have a second thought before leaning against him as they set off. She knew she had to try to stay awake, but her eyes were feeling heavier and heavier, and now that she wasn't concentrating on walking, it felt harder and harder to keep them open.]
Talk to me, please? I'm just so tired, I - I can't ...
[He held her tightly with one arm; with his other, he peeled back the jacket to look at her injury, and promptly add his own hand to hers in applying pressure. No external reaction but a tightening of the muscles of his face—and his arm around her, like that would help keep the blood in and lend her strength.]
You have a favorite toy, as a kid? Tell me about it?
It's bad. She knows that it's bad - but the tic in Cassian's jaw suggests that it's even worse than she thought. She gasps as his hand joins hers and he applies extra pressure to the wound.]
Ah - Papa made most of my toys, had to, it's not like there were any toy stores on Lah'mu. [She exhales a shaky chuckle, then continues] The tooka was the cutest, but the wampa was the most fun. The stormtrooper never even stood a chance against the wampa.
I sort of remember mine on Carida. Pretty sure they were all "educational". Which is code for "indoctrination". Only thing I know for sure about was the toy blaster.
['Cause during the riot, he'd tried to use it. Of course, it had done nothing.]
We're almost to the transport. You know your blood type? [He wasn't going to leave her treatment for getting all the way back to med bay. The transport would have supplies for stop-gap aid, hopefully including plasma for transfusion, but if not…]
Would've ... would've shared my toys with you. I would have been your friend.
[Jyn leaned against Cassian's side more heavily, struggling to keep her eyes open as he spoke. Giving in to her pain and exhaustion now most likely wouldn't end well, and they were almost there.
Almost to the transport.
Almost to safety.
Vaguely, she heard him through her haze, and tried to nod, tried to set some of his worries at ease with the knowledge that yes, she was still with him.] O, it's O.
[She breathed out what was as close to a chuckle as she could manage, weak and shaky, but audible.] Gonna take more than this to get rid of me.
["I would have been your friend." I was a Separatist. We would have been enemies.
But to hell with politics. Yes. In a better world—or even this one in spite of everything: They would have been friends.
Type O. That was incredibly good news. He let out a breath and hugged her still tighter to him.] Yeah, it is. …We're here.
[Even before the speeder came to a stop, Cassian was gathering Jyn close; and as soon as they parked, he didn't even ask if she could make it on foot: he'd shoved open the door and picked her up to carry her to the shuttle, up the waiting ramp.
This was only the shuttle to the transport, and med bay was on the transport proper, and this couldn't wait. Cassian was barking orders as he went, and of course they'd called ahead, so there wasn't a wait for him to lay her—gently, carefully—down on a bunk. He used a blade off his utility belt to cut open the sleeve and the side of her shirt. As the pilot handed him supplies from the emergency med kit, Cassian worked on stopping the bleeding of her wound with bacta patches. That half done, Cassian—having confirmed they didn't have a synthetic plasma drip (that, also, was all the way in med bay)—even more gently threaded a needle (from the same kit) into her arm. The needle was attached to a catheter. The other end, he stuck in his own vein. That done, one-handedly, he finished bandaging her injury. Though the first layer of patches soaked through with the blood, the second layer didn't.
The pilot—the only other crewer aboard—obeyed Cassian's order by heading to the cockpit. As the exit ramp withdrew, the doors closed and engines roared to life, Cassian finally took a moment to breathe and look. The bleeding was stopped. The transfusion was going. He hated how pale she was.]
[The children shouldn't be punished for the sins of their parents. And at age eight, alone for the very first time, Jyn hadn't known the first thing when it came to Separatists or Partisans or anything of the sort. She had just been scared.
Cassian pulled her tighter against his side, and Jyn gasped but didn't fight, leaning against him more heavily, unable to do anything but allow him to lift her prone body into his arms in order to get into the shuttle as quickly as possible. There was no time to ask if she could make the trip by herself, and she could admit to herself, even in her haze, that it wasn't physically possible.
She barely registered being moved from one vehicle to the other, even as Cassian strode back to the bunk area and rested her down so that he could tend to her wound. She could vaguely feel as he cut her shirt and placed patch after patch against her side, pressing down in order to ensure a good seal. She might have grunted, but truth be told, she barely felt anything at all.
But there was no mistaking the needle as it pierced her skin and she groaned softly, forcing her eyes open as he asked after her, his voice just enough to coax her back from the darkness threatening to swallow her whole.] St - still ... still with you.
[His free hand moved to find and envelop hers… and before he realized, he'd leaned forward and touched a kiss to her lips.
He immediately sat back again, flushed and appalled at himself for taking advantage of her compromised state. He quickly looked down to double-check on the blood transfusion. And gently squeezed his hand on hers.]
We're on our way to the transport. They'll have everything you need. We've got you stabilized 'til we get there. You're gonna be okay, Jyn.
[Jyn's grip was not nearly as strong as it normally would have been, but she still held on with all she was. And then he kissed her, and for a moment, in her hazy brain, she found enough lucidity to wonder if it had truly happened, or she had simply imagined it.
But by the time she had pulled enough of herself together to ask, it was done and over with and almost felt as though it was more a dream than reality. Still, she held on like he was her anchor and she was a drowning woman.]
I'd - I'd be dead if it wasn't for you. Thank you, Cassian.
[He dared another kiss: this one to the back of her hand.]
Always. It's what we do, right? Save each other.
[They should probably keep her awake until she was safely on the transport. He tried to think of more things to ask her—not too heavy, not too daring. And let go of her hand only to reach up and brush her hair back from her face.]
Tell me more about us as childhood friends. What would we have done together on Lah'mu?
[She accepted the second kiss easily, and then curled her fingers around Cassian's, wanting nothing more to maintain contact and stay tethered to the here and now.]
That's what partners do.
[Partners. Friends. Whatever it was that they were on the cusp of becoming.
Reluctantly, she released her grip on Cassian's hand, but was rewarded with the gentle brushing of her messy hair away from her face instead.]
Not much to do. But we could have spent time on the beaches - black sand, cold sea, or explored the dunes above. Rock formations and caves further inland. I had toys, too - I never had to share them with anyone else, but ... I would've shared them with you.
[Partners - but more. While this couldn't exactly be seen as a positive, perhaps the near-death experience would inspire Jyn or Cassian or both of them to gather the courage to take the next step that they seemed to continually dance around.]
I don't know if I'll ever be ready to go back, but if I do ... I'd want you to come with me.
[Jyn hummed softly, but her grip on his fingers remained strong.]
No, no. They were all stuffed, but I'd take them anyway. Mama used to complain about having to wash them all the time. I just - I wante them to have adventures, too.
I'd want to go with you. [Anywhere. To the ends of the galaxy.
Her grip was heartening. As well as quickening his heartbeat. They should be nearly to the transport; still, keep her talking. …And he actually did want to know.]
[Jyn couldn't muster an answer, but hopefully, the little squeeze she offered was enough hint as to how touched she was by the assurance.
It hadn't been where she was born, no, but Lah'mu had been the only place she had ever truly felt at home.
She chuckled, more a breath than anything else, her brow furrowing in concentration as she recalled the names of the toys - the friends - that she had left behind.]
[She laughed again, a little louder, which ended in a cough.]
Lucky Hazz Obloobitt, he was blue. I had two tookas, Starrie was red and white and Koodie was gray. He was my favorite, but I would've shared the rest.
[The squeeze definitely helped. It allowed the breath that escaped Cassian be a laugh. Even as he leaned forward and brushed some of her hair back from her face, and so doing checked the temperature of her skin, with his IV-free hand.] What… language are those?
[Not that he would criticize. What toys he'd managed to name fluctuated between Festrin and Yaval (his mother's and father's languages), and Galactic Basic and Caridan (the official Academy language versus what most of its workers—e.g. childcare attendants—actually spoke). The mashup resulted in names like Ìomharach Coyolxauhqui Peregrine Viridiana.]
[Jyn breathed out an exhausted but clearly amused little breath in return. And she was tired, but this time, when her eyes fluttered shut, it was to enjoy the touch of his hand - even if it was mostly just to check her temperature.] My language, what else?
[She had loved her parents immensely, of course, but Jyn had been a very lonely child.]
You would've liked Mr. Iggy, I think. He was a droid - not like Kay. He never went to the beach, though, he always stayed home.
[Entirely reasonable. Cassian's whole career had been predicated on his ability, as a slight child, to slip inside Republic war machines and deliver a handful of grit to the right gears, to cause it to self-destruct. Sand was no joking matter for mechanicals.]
You're doing so well, Jyn. We're nearly there.
I'm… gonna stay with you. Once we get there. If that's okay with you?
[If she'd rather he not see her in whatever state medical would put her in, he'd understand, even if he'd not concur.]
[It brought back bad memories - black sand, white cape, her mother falling.
But she needed to concentrate on staying awake, not dredge up old memories and get lost in things she would never be able to change. She focused on Cassian's voice again, blinking rapidly to stave off heavy eyelids that wanted to close fully.]
Stay with me. [She repeated, a tremble in her voice.] Please.
[As if Jyn was going to push Cassian away. As if she was going to tell him no. He was her friend, her partner ... and maybe almost something more. She didn't know how to put into words how much it meant to her that he wanted to stay.
And even if she did have the words, they would've disappeared in the moment that he pressed that kiss to her cheek - and then didn't move very far away again. She felt so dizzy - and it wasn't all due to the blood loss.]
[Partner. Yes. In every way that even covered more.
He touched his face to hers again: his closed eyes to hers; so when he spoke more quietly still, there was no trouble hearing him, she could read the vibrations.]
[She didn't want this to be the only catalyst toward moving to something more, but if it did remind both of them that their time together wasn't infinite, then maybe she could find some good in it.
Not that any of this felt very good at all.
...
Except for maybe how close Cassian currently was, how he was making it more than obvious even in the state she was in that he was reluctant to leave her said, that he - and she hoped that it wasn't her foggy mind that was making it all up - felt the same as her.
With some effort, Jyn lifted her free hand so that she could brush a fumbling but gentle thumb along one sharp cheekbone.]
I'm with you - [she murmured, her voice as soft, just as secretive] ... Not leaving you just quite yet.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-07-23 06:07 am (UTC)Thank the Force for Cassian. If he weren't assisting her, Jyn didn't know where she would be - just that it would have been bad.
I've got you, he said, and she believed that was true.]
I - I'm lucky for that. One more block. I think I might make it.
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Date: 2019-07-24 05:43 am (UTC)[A…nd… there. One of their team in a landspeeder, waiting to take them to their transport. Cassian helped Jyn inside before climbing in next to her—and even though he was no longer needed to support her weight, his arm stayed around her as they started to drive.]
no subject
Date: 2019-07-25 07:38 am (UTC)She was going to be okay.
They'd made it this far, after all, a handful of long blocks away from the bakery where she'd been bleeding out and certain that she would never make it to this point. But Cassian had come for her, put the mission on the line for her, and Jyn didn't know how to thank him ... again.
She grunted as he helped her into the speeder, and didn't even have a second thought before leaning against him as they set off. She knew she had to try to stay awake, but her eyes were feeling heavier and heavier, and now that she wasn't concentrating on walking, it felt harder and harder to keep them open.]
Talk to me, please? I'm just so tired, I - I can't ...
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Date: 2019-07-25 10:54 am (UTC)You have a favorite toy, as a kid? Tell me about it?
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Date: 2019-07-26 10:18 pm (UTC)It's bad. She knows that it's bad - but the tic in Cassian's jaw suggests that it's even worse than she thought. She gasps as his hand joins hers and he applies extra pressure to the wound.]
Ah - Papa made most of my toys, had to, it's not like there were any toy stores on Lah'mu. [She exhales a shaky chuckle, then continues] The tooka was the cutest, but the wampa was the most fun. The stormtrooper never even stood a chance against the wampa.
I had to leave them behind when I ...
no subject
Date: 2019-07-29 02:12 pm (UTC)I sort of remember mine on Carida. Pretty sure they were all "educational". Which is code for "indoctrination". Only thing I know for sure about was the toy blaster.
['Cause during the riot, he'd tried to use it. Of course, it had done nothing.]
We're almost to the transport. You know your blood type? [He wasn't going to leave her treatment for getting all the way back to med bay. The transport would have supplies for stop-gap aid, hopefully including plasma for transfusion, but if not…]
Hey, still with me?
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Date: 2019-07-30 06:27 am (UTC)[Jyn leaned against Cassian's side more heavily, struggling to keep her eyes open as he spoke. Giving in to her pain and exhaustion now most likely wouldn't end well, and they were almost there.
Almost to the transport.
Almost to safety.
Vaguely, she heard him through her haze, and tried to nod, tried to set some of his worries at ease with the knowledge that yes, she was still with him.] O, it's O.
[She breathed out what was as close to a chuckle as she could manage, weak and shaky, but audible.] Gonna take more than this to get rid of me.
no subject
Date: 2019-07-30 01:24 pm (UTC)But to hell with politics. Yes. In a better world—or even this one in spite of everything: They would have been friends.
Type O. That was incredibly good news. He let out a breath and hugged her still tighter to him.] Yeah, it is. …We're here.
[Even before the speeder came to a stop, Cassian was gathering Jyn close; and as soon as they parked, he didn't even ask if she could make it on foot: he'd shoved open the door and picked her up to carry her to the shuttle, up the waiting ramp.
This was only the shuttle to the transport, and med bay was on the transport proper, and this couldn't wait. Cassian was barking orders as he went, and of course they'd called ahead, so there wasn't a wait for him to lay her—gently, carefully—down on a bunk. He used a blade off his utility belt to cut open the sleeve and the side of her shirt. As the pilot handed him supplies from the emergency med kit, Cassian worked on stopping the bleeding of her wound with bacta patches. That half done, Cassian—having confirmed they didn't have a synthetic plasma drip (that, also, was all the way in med bay)—even more gently threaded a needle (from the same kit) into her arm. The needle was attached to a catheter. The other end, he stuck in his own vein. That done, one-handedly, he finished bandaging her injury. Though the first layer of patches soaked through with the blood, the second layer didn't.
The pilot—the only other crewer aboard—obeyed Cassian's order by heading to the cockpit. As the exit ramp withdrew, the doors closed and engines roared to life, Cassian finally took a moment to breathe and look. The bleeding was stopped. The transfusion was going. He hated how pale she was.]
Hey. Jyn. You awake?
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Date: 2019-08-03 08:28 am (UTC)Cassian pulled her tighter against his side, and Jyn gasped but didn't fight, leaning against him more heavily, unable to do anything but allow him to lift her prone body into his arms in order to get into the shuttle as quickly as possible. There was no time to ask if she could make the trip by herself, and she could admit to herself, even in her haze, that it wasn't physically possible.
She barely registered being moved from one vehicle to the other, even as Cassian strode back to the bunk area and rested her down so that he could tend to her wound. She could vaguely feel as he cut her shirt and placed patch after patch against her side, pressing down in order to ensure a good seal. She might have grunted, but truth be told, she barely felt anything at all.
But there was no mistaking the needle as it pierced her skin and she groaned softly, forcing her eyes open as he asked after her, his voice just enough to coax her back from the darkness threatening to swallow her whole.] St - still ... still with you.
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Date: 2019-08-04 04:15 am (UTC)He immediately sat back again, flushed and appalled at himself for taking advantage of her compromised state. He quickly looked down to double-check on the blood transfusion. And gently squeezed his hand on hers.]
We're on our way to the transport. They'll have everything you need. We've got you stabilized 'til we get there. You're gonna be okay, Jyn.
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Date: 2019-08-06 05:28 am (UTC)But by the time she had pulled enough of herself together to ask, it was done and over with and almost felt as though it was more a dream than reality. Still, she held on like he was her anchor and she was a drowning woman.]
I'd - I'd be dead if it wasn't for you. Thank you, Cassian.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-06 09:58 am (UTC)Always. It's what we do, right? Save each other.
[They should probably keep her awake until she was safely on the transport. He tried to think of more things to ask her—not too heavy, not too daring. And let go of her hand only to reach up and brush her hair back from her face.]
Tell me more about us as childhood friends. What would we have done together on Lah'mu?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-08 03:54 am (UTC)That's what partners do.
[Partners. Friends. Whatever it was that they were on the cusp of becoming.
Reluctantly, she released her grip on Cassian's hand, but was rewarded with the gentle brushing of her messy hair away from her face instead.]
Not much to do. But we could have spent time on the beaches - black sand, cold sea, or explored the dunes above. Rock formations and caves further inland. I had toys, too - I never had to share them with anyone else, but ... I would've shared them with you.
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Date: 2019-08-09 02:27 am (UTC)His hand returned to hers—and this time, he twined their fingers.]
Sounds beautiful. There were no oceans where I grew up.
[The name Fest meant "rock", and the planet deserved it; and Sullust was all solidified lava.]
Were any of your toys meant to be used at the shore?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-10 07:29 am (UTC)I don't know if I'll ever be ready to go back, but if I do ... I'd want you to come with me.
[Jyn hummed softly, but her grip on his fingers remained strong.]
No, no. They were all stuffed, but I'd take them anyway. Mama used to complain about having to wash them all the time. I just - I wante them to have adventures, too.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-14 01:01 am (UTC)Her grip was heartening. As well as quickening his heartbeat. They should be nearly to the transport; still, keep her talking. …And he actually did want to know.]
What were their names?
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Date: 2019-08-18 06:59 pm (UTC)It hadn't been where she was born, no, but Lah'mu had been the only place she had ever truly felt at home.
She chuckled, more a breath than anything else, her brow furrowing in concentration as she recalled the names of the toys - the friends - that she had left behind.]
There was Wuzzwork and Sniksnak ... um ... Mr. Iggy and -
[She laughed again, a little louder, which ended in a cough.]
Lucky Hazz Obloobitt, he was blue. I had two tookas, Starrie was red and white and Koodie was gray. He was my favorite, but I would've shared the rest.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 02:45 am (UTC)[Not that he would criticize. What toys he'd managed to name fluctuated between Festrin and Yaval (his mother's and father's languages), and Galactic Basic and Caridan (the official Academy language versus what most of its workers—e.g. childcare attendants—actually spoke). The mashup resulted in names like Ìomharach Coyolxauhqui Peregrine Viridiana.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 06:25 am (UTC)[She had loved her parents immensely, of course, but Jyn had been a very lonely child.]
You would've liked Mr. Iggy, I think. He was a droid - not like Kay. He never went to the beach, though, he always stayed home.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 06:48 am (UTC)[Entirely reasonable. Cassian's whole career had been predicated on his ability, as a slight child, to slip inside Republic war machines and deliver a handful of grit to the right gears, to cause it to self-destruct. Sand was no joking matter for mechanicals.]
You're doing so well, Jyn. We're nearly there.
I'm… gonna stay with you. Once we get there. If that's okay with you?
[If she'd rather he not see her in whatever state medical would put her in, he'd understand, even if he'd not concur.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-21 05:46 am (UTC)But she needed to concentrate on staying awake, not dredge up old memories and get lost in things she would never be able to change. She focused on Cassian's voice again, blinking rapidly to stave off heavy eyelids that wanted to close fully.]
Stay with me. [She repeated, a tremble in her voice.] Please.
Please don't leave me alone.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-21 05:51 am (UTC)He kept his face close to hers even as he sat back:]
I won't. I'm not going anywhere. We stick together.
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Date: 2019-08-22 06:10 am (UTC)And even if she did have the words, they would've disappeared in the moment that he pressed that kiss to her cheek - and then didn't move very far away again. She felt so dizzy - and it wasn't all due to the blood loss.]
Thank you.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-01 08:57 am (UTC)He touched his face to hers again: his closed eyes to hers; so when he spoke more quietly still, there was no trouble hearing him, she could read the vibrations.]
Always. All the way.
no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 05:17 pm (UTC)Not that any of this felt very good at all.
...
Except for maybe how close Cassian currently was, how he was making it more than obvious even in the state she was in that he was reluctant to leave her said, that he - and she hoped that it wasn't her foggy mind that was making it all up - felt the same as her.
With some effort, Jyn lifted her free hand so that she could brush a fumbling but gentle thumb along one sharp cheekbone.]
I'm with you - [she murmured, her voice as soft, just as secretive] ... Not leaving you just quite yet.
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