[Cassian was at a loss for verbal confirmation—so he just opened the shower door. Not enough to get water all over the floor, just enough to be crystal clear.
This was an interesting order of things. Usually, sharing a shower or bath was something you did after—other things. Not as precursor. But who cared about "usually"? Usually he wasn't in this situation because he actually wanted to be, he was in it 'cause a mission required it. Usually he was somewhere other than his own home(?). Usually his partner didn't know his real name. Usually didn't matter at all. This was Jyn Erso, choosing to be with him while actually knowing who he was. Let them do things however they feking well liked.
And for all it was an unusual way to be introduced to someone's nakedness, the imminent prospect of sharing this warm water with her—however things trended after that, sexual or comforting or something else—was wonderful.
[It wasn't quite the explicit consent that Jyn was looking for, but the opening of the shower door was enough of an invitation to urge her to remove her clothing with a little more haste. Trousers, tunic, underthings that had seen better days were stripped and hastily folded and set on the counter. Lastly, she took her hair down and shook it into a cloud framing her face and shoulders.
No - as these things went, this wasn't exactly usual. But what about their lives thus far could be called usual? If they both wanted it, then who was to say that it was wrong?
And she knew with the utmost certainty that however they went about this - whether it turned out to be now or another time entirely, she wanted to share it with Cassian.
A breath, fingers curling around the shower door, and Jyn stepped inside to join Cassian underneath the warm spray.]
[He let out a breath slowly, letting its wake turn into a smile.]
Hi.
[His voice and eyes were radiantly welcoming and admiring and glad—and they didn't go anywhere except her face.
Almost hesitantly—even now?—he reached around her to close the door. Which also just happened to put his arm and chest very close to embracing her. Especially once the door was closed yet he stayed right there.]
[He was so beautiful when he smiled - when it reached his eyes and his warmth radiated outward and all Jyn wanted was to get closer. Her gaze did not drop from his face, either, content enough to luxuriate in just this.]
Hi.
[She almost held her breath as he reached around her to shut the shower door, breaching what little personal space afforded to her by the shower. But he did not touch her and he did not move away, and Jyn felt dizzy and breathless with anticipation.]
[They just stood like that for a moment, the water raining and steam rising around them. At last, still hesitantly, Cassian's hand brushed onto Jyn's upper arm; closed on it, and he turned them both, like they were dancing, so she could have a turn directly under the water.]
[Jyn felt shy and exposed, and quite honestly, now that she'd made it to this point, wasn't sure what her next move was going to be. The last thing she wanted was to cross any unspoken boundaries that would make Cassian uncomfortable.
She laughed breathlessly as he maneuvered the both of them carefully until she was underneath the spray and the warm water began flattening the halo of her hair down - right into her eyes.]
[Her gaze was full of the utmost fondness ... and anticipation of what might yet happen. Even if it didn't, though, she would be more than happy just to have taken this step.]
[That sigh was beautiful. It also relieved any second-guessing.
Moving gently forward, Cassian ran his fingertips over her shoulder. Then drew her to him or himself against her. Just as carefully, leaving her the freedom always to move away without struggle, he folded his arms around her and ducked his head against hers, into the water.
The feel of skin-on-skin, all of her against all of him, was breathtaking… but also… felt natural. Less like something to get adjusted to, and more like all the times before now, when it hadn't been true, were the strange ones.]
[Jyn shivered at the gentle, questing touch. But there was no hesitation as he urged her closer, practically enfolding her into his arms. But she didn't feel trapped in the slightest, and she was as careful as Cassian had been as she curled her arms around him in return.
She closed her eyes and relished the feel of their bodies touching, nothing in the way of being skin-to-skin, experiencing that pleasure for the first time. And it didn't feel odd or uncomfortable, rather ... it felt like this was always a place that she had meant to belong.
Perhaps it made sense that two people as similarly battered, bruised, and broken as they were had found a way to fit.]
[He wanted to softly murmur a response, but nothing came out. He had to clear his throat. Still, it came out hoarse:]
Very much.
[One of his hands ran up her back, as if under the running water, and came to rest gently on the back of her head and neck, holding her there as everywhere else. His chest rose against hers, or maybe it just wanted to feel her there even more.
(As he hadn't been for a while, he was suddenly glad of his raven training. It gave him a degree of control over the spontaneous and autonomic; for now, at least, to prevent certain reactions in himself. He didn't want to change anything, seem to ask for anything further. At the same time, they weren't holding back; keeping parts of themselves from touching.)
Feels compelled to keep the verbal contact up, as well. Murmurs:]
I haven't done this in a long, long time. How're you doing?
[He sounded the way that Jyn felt, and that was comforting, too. She closed her eyes and kept as still as possible as Cassian's fingers danced up the length of her spine, and he eventually settled his palm gently against her neck, his fingers cradling her head, keeping her steady, keeping her safe.
It all felt ...
Too much to handle. Too good to be true. So overwhelming ... in all the best ways. Here, now, it was about sharing space and solace, and if it didn't go any further, Jyn would be just as satisfied anyway. How could she not be? She had never been this close to anyone before - emotionally, physically, both.]
It's ... a lot - [She admitted, her voice just as rough, just as overcome] I've never done this before.
You set the pace then, okay? I'm only unhappy if I'm afraid I'm pushing too fast or too far. Everything else is good for me.
[He'd never actually done this in this order, before. But he didn't want to say so in case that made it seem like he expected other, accompanying things, to make an order with.
To keep his subconscious from getting overexcited, overenthralled—as would be so, so easy… the feel of Jyn Erso, naked and willingly vulnerable in his arms, pressed against him… —he'd been determinedly focused on coming up with options for them. Ways to make this active, participatory, reclaim a sense of control for either/both of them, in ways that still kept the comfort, the intervulnerability, the trust… the intimacy… but didn't necessarily give way to anything else. He came up with one now.]
I… um… should finish washing up. Unless we want to do each other…? [He wasn't suggesting she needed further washing, but the idea of such mutual exploration felt, he hoped, the right balance between captivating and funny.]
You're not pushing - [She murmured, lifting her chin just long enough to press a kiss to his jaw. It was easy, since he was practically resting his chin against the top of her head. Sex, she'd had. But this, the intimacy inherent in being this close, holding each other like this ... she was unused to. It wasn't unpleasant.
Besides, she'd been the one to set this whole thing in motion. She'd been forward (to say the least) and suggested that they take this next step. No, Cassian wasn't pushing her into anything that she didn't want.
But she certainly didn't want to make a wrong move, either. To do anything that ruined the sanctity of the moment - and it did feel like something very special to he.
Jyn appreciated the offer that Cassian extended ... although an eyebrow did raise every so gracefully at his choice of words.] Can't stay in here forever, I suppose. No, I wouldn't mind doing each other.
[She couldn't help the tease - he'd made himself vulnerable to it, after all.]
[He tilted his head, ever so slightly, into the kiss. His hands tightened, still gentle, momentarily on her.
He belatedly heard his own language!fail and ducked his head in lieu of a blush. Rather than compound it with more words, he grinned and reached behind them for the soapbar.
He alternated between the bar and his palm, running over her skin, lingering worshipfully across her shoulders and back, her collarbone and neck, and flitting more delicately, over… more sensitive areas. Even so, he met her eyes every time before lightly skimming a breast or her stomach, seeking tacit consent, as he made his way down her torso, to her hips. Then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he knelt before her. He took her foot in his hand to gently urge her to lift it, then place it instead on his braced knee, so he could pay serious attention to her entire leg. Never trespassing too far inward. Even when he dropped some of his affected nonchalance and pressed a kiss into her thigh.]
[Jyn thought, momentarily, that she could get used to sharing more moments just like this.
She was amused by the verbal stumble, but it was unnecessary to tease Cassian any further than she already had. She simply returned the grin, not at all anticipating what was to come next.
The care that Cassian took in washing her, the reverence with which he touched her was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. Nobody had ever treated her so carefully and like she was so fragile - no, not fragile, something special like he was.
He looked to her for permission, he'd see in in her soft, fond gaze or he'd hear in the pleased little noises she made. Jyn laughed a bit as Cassian knelt before her and took great care in laving attention to her leg.
It was the kiss that brought the color out in her cheeks, and before she thought any better of it, she reached out to card her fingers through his hair, tugging gently as she went.]
[He went instantly wherever she pulled him. Lightly skimming her skin with his profile: closed eyes, nose, and lips. He hadn't meant to change the tone of this… make anything seem required or inevitable… but perhaps this was… it felt… all right.]
[Jyn didn't expect anything from Cassian. But given the nature of the conversation that had gotten them to this point in the first place, she would not deny him if things ... heated up from here.
For as content as she was to see him so relaxed and content, Jyn didn't want to make this all about her. In a voice far huskier than usual, she asked - ] Do you want me to do you, too?
[He breathed a laugh and pressed another light kiss into her skin.] I definitely need it more than you did. Please don't tell me what I smell like. [One more kiss, lightest yet, before he gently placed her foot back on the floor, and stood before her; offering her the soap bar.]
[Jyn hummed softly as Cassian kissed her inner thigh again, but for how relaxed she appeared, she was still keenly aware that if he just kissed or touched just a little bit higher ...
But this was good, too. It was probably best to take their time and ease into this new stage of their relationship. It was probably best to figure out now if there were any boundaries to avoid crossing.]
When I'm done with you, you'll smell nice and clean.
[Perhaps later, there would be opportunity to recall this conversation so that she could nuzzle close and quietly admit that she liked the way Cassian smelled.
For the moment, she was as dedicated to the task at hand as Cassian had been with her. Careful and concentrated, she left not an inch of him untouched - at least the parts that she knew were safe to touch. She neared the most sensitive bits as close as she dared, but ultimately leaving the actual cleaning up to him.
She glanced up at him with a mischievious little smile turning her lips up just so, and pressed a kiss to his knee, and then just a little further up, to his thigh. It was only fair, right?]
[…Cassian had quite a lot of—and varied—experience. Including some that involved superficial, circumstantial similarities to this one.
He'd never felt anything remotely like this.
The electricity that coursed through them, reciprocal feedback, how the air itself seemed to vibrate near her, let alone when and where they actually touched…
Was it having her kneeling before him, the kiss she placed on his leg, or…? yes, it was definitely: that mischievous little smile. That made him suddenly have to focus hard on his mental regimen to keep his autonomic reflexes from… reflexing.
Usually, he had exceptional control.
Thing was… it had been years… of being (by choice or mostly not) in all sorts of situations and gaining all sorts of experiences, but always fundamentally wondering—What it be like to do this because he wanted to? With someone he liked?
And here they were. Here she was.
He succeeded in diminishing in his involuntary response—partly. But what she'd just done still had an obvious effect.]
Cassian hadn't had to come out share those experiences nor the circumstances in which he had had them, but he'd shared enough of his past to know that this was something of a rarity for him -
Choosing to be with her. Wanting to be with her.
But then, she had never really felt anything quite like this before, either, the connection, the spark that passed between the both of them as they cared for each other in this brand new (and sort of terrifying) way. It was all so new, but Jyn welcomed each new step they took with each other.
She was not at all unaware of the effect all of this was having on Cassian, but Jyn brought not attention to it as she slowly got to her feet and stepped a little closer, handing the soap back over with that same small smile lifting her lips.]
You know - [she started, conversationally enough, slightly teasing, but still very, very honest] You don't have to hold anything back from me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2019-07-30 11:24 pm (UTC)This was an interesting order of things. Usually, sharing a shower or bath was something you did after—other things. Not as precursor. But who cared about "usually"? Usually he wasn't in this situation because he actually wanted to be, he was in it 'cause a mission required it. Usually he was somewhere other than his own home(?). Usually his partner didn't know his real name. Usually didn't matter at all. This was Jyn Erso, choosing to be with him while actually knowing who he was. Let them do things however they feking well liked.
And for all it was an unusual way to be introduced to someone's nakedness, the imminent prospect of sharing this warm water with her—however things trended after that, sexual or comforting or something else—was wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-03 06:30 am (UTC)No - as these things went, this wasn't exactly usual. But what about their lives thus far could be called usual? If they both wanted it, then who was to say that it was wrong?
And she knew with the utmost certainty that however they went about this - whether it turned out to be now or another time entirely, she wanted to share it with Cassian.
A breath, fingers curling around the shower door, and Jyn stepped inside to join Cassian underneath the warm spray.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-04 02:28 am (UTC)Hi.
[His voice and eyes were radiantly welcoming and admiring and glad—and they didn't go anywhere except her face.
Almost hesitantly—even now?—he reached around her to close the door. Which also just happened to put his arm and chest very close to embracing her. Especially once the door was closed yet he stayed right there.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-06 05:55 am (UTC)Hi.
[She almost held her breath as he reached around her to shut the shower door, breaching what little personal space afforded to her by the shower. But he did not touch her and he did not move away, and Jyn felt dizzy and breathless with anticipation.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-06 09:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-08 02:16 am (UTC)She laughed breathlessly as he maneuvered the both of them carefully until she was underneath the spray and the warm water began flattening the halo of her hair down - right into her eyes.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-09 02:21 am (UTC)Don't think I've ever seen your hair down, before.
[Or, y'know, her without clothes before. But let's be delicate.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-10 07:44 am (UTC)Mm ... no, probably not.
[Then - almost shyly ... ]
What's the verdict?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-11 08:18 pm (UTC)That… I… want… to hold you. Would that… be okay?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-12 02:40 am (UTC)Yes. Please.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-13 05:29 am (UTC)Moving gently forward, Cassian ran his fingertips over her shoulder. Then drew her to him or himself against her. Just as carefully, leaving her the freedom always to move away without struggle, he folded his arms around her and ducked his head against hers, into the water.
The feel of skin-on-skin, all of her against all of him, was breathtaking… but also… felt natural. Less like something to get adjusted to, and more like all the times before now, when it hadn't been true, were the strange ones.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 05:23 pm (UTC)She closed her eyes and relished the feel of their bodies touching, nothing in the way of being skin-to-skin, experiencing that pleasure for the first time. And it didn't feel odd or uncomfortable, rather ... it felt like this was always a place that she had meant to belong.
Perhaps it made sense that two people as similarly battered, bruised, and broken as they were had found a way to fit.]
Is this alright?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-18 11:00 pm (UTC)Very much.
[One of his hands ran up her back, as if under the running water, and came to rest gently on the back of her head and neck, holding her there as everywhere else. His chest rose against hers, or maybe it just wanted to feel her there even more.
(As he hadn't been for a while, he was suddenly glad of his raven training. It gave him a degree of control over the spontaneous and autonomic; for now, at least, to prevent certain reactions in himself. He didn't want to change anything, seem to ask for anything further. At the same time, they weren't holding back; keeping parts of themselves from touching.)
Feels compelled to keep the verbal contact up, as well. Murmurs:]
I haven't done this in a long, long time. How're you doing?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 02:35 am (UTC)It all felt ...
Too much to handle. Too good to be true. So overwhelming ... in all the best ways. Here, now, it was about sharing space and solace, and if it didn't go any further, Jyn would be just as satisfied anyway. How could she not be? She had never been this close to anyone before - emotionally, physically, both.]
It's ... a lot - [She admitted, her voice just as rough, just as overcome] I've never done this before.
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 02:58 am (UTC)[He'd never actually done this in this order, before. But he didn't want to say so in case that made it seem like he expected other, accompanying things, to make an order with.
To keep his subconscious from getting overexcited, overenthralled—as would be so, so easy… the feel of Jyn Erso, naked and willingly vulnerable in his arms, pressed against him… —he'd been determinedly focused on coming up with options for them. Ways to make this active, participatory, reclaim a sense of control for either/both of them, in ways that still kept the comfort, the intervulnerability, the trust… the intimacy… but didn't necessarily give way to anything else. He came up with one now.]
I… um… should finish washing up. Unless we want to do each other…? [He wasn't suggesting she needed further washing, but the idea of such mutual exploration felt, he hoped, the right balance between captivating and funny.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 06:46 am (UTC)Besides, she'd been the one to set this whole thing in motion. She'd been forward (to say the least) and suggested that they take this next step. No, Cassian wasn't pushing her into anything that she didn't want.
But she certainly didn't want to make a wrong move, either. To do anything that ruined the sanctity of the moment - and it did feel like something very special to he.
Jyn appreciated the offer that Cassian extended ... although an eyebrow did raise every so gracefully at his choice of words.] Can't stay in here forever, I suppose. No, I wouldn't mind doing each other.
[She couldn't help the tease - he'd made himself vulnerable to it, after all.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-20 08:48 am (UTC)He belatedly heard his own language!fail and ducked his head in lieu of a blush. Rather than compound it with more words, he grinned and reached behind them for the soapbar.
He alternated between the bar and his palm, running over her skin, lingering worshipfully across her shoulders and back, her collarbone and neck, and flitting more delicately, over… more sensitive areas. Even so, he met her eyes every time before lightly skimming a breast or her stomach, seeking tacit consent, as he made his way down her torso, to her hips. Then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he knelt before her. He took her foot in his hand to gently urge her to lift it, then place it instead on his braced knee, so he could pay serious attention to her entire leg. Never trespassing too far inward. Even when he dropped some of his affected nonchalance and pressed a kiss into her thigh.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-21 08:58 am (UTC)She was amused by the verbal stumble, but it was unnecessary to tease Cassian any further than she already had. She simply returned the grin, not at all anticipating what was to come next.
The care that Cassian took in washing her, the reverence with which he touched her was almost enough to bring tears to her eyes. Nobody had ever treated her so carefully and like she was so fragile - no, not fragile, something special like he was.
He looked to her for permission, he'd see in in her soft, fond gaze or he'd hear in the pleased little noises she made. Jyn laughed a bit as Cassian knelt before her and took great care in laving attention to her leg.
It was the kiss that brought the color out in her cheeks, and before she thought any better of it, she reached out to card her fingers through his hair, tugging gently as she went.]
no subject
Date: 2019-08-21 09:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-08-22 05:35 am (UTC)For as content as she was to see him so relaxed and content, Jyn didn't want to make this all about her. In a voice far huskier than usual, she asked - ] Do you want me to do you, too?
no subject
Date: 2019-08-30 09:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-09-05 05:58 pm (UTC)But this was good, too. It was probably best to take their time and ease into this new stage of their relationship. It was probably best to figure out now if there were any boundaries to avoid crossing.]
When I'm done with you, you'll smell nice and clean.
[Perhaps later, there would be opportunity to recall this conversation so that she could nuzzle close and quietly admit that she liked the way Cassian smelled.
For the moment, she was as dedicated to the task at hand as Cassian had been with her. Careful and concentrated, she left not an inch of him untouched - at least the parts that she knew were safe to touch. She neared the most sensitive bits as close as she dared, but ultimately leaving the actual cleaning up to him.
She glanced up at him with a mischievious little smile turning her lips up just so, and pressed a kiss to his knee, and then just a little further up, to his thigh. It was only fair, right?]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-10 06:15 am (UTC)He'd never felt anything remotely like this.
The electricity that coursed through them, reciprocal feedback, how the air itself seemed to vibrate near her, let alone when and where they actually touched…
Was it having her kneeling before him, the kiss she placed on his leg, or…? yes, it was definitely: that mischievous little smile. That made him suddenly have to focus hard on his mental regimen to keep his autonomic reflexes from… reflexing.
Usually, he had exceptional control.
Thing was… it had been years… of being (by choice or mostly not) in all sorts of situations and gaining all sorts of experiences, but always fundamentally wondering—What it be like to do this because he wanted to? With someone he liked?
And here they were. Here she was.
He succeeded in diminishing in his involuntary response—partly. But what she'd just done still had an obvious effect.]
no subject
Date: 2019-09-19 06:43 am (UTC)Cassian hadn't had to come out share those experiences nor the circumstances in which he had had them, but he'd shared enough of his past to know that this was something of a rarity for him -
Choosing to be with her. Wanting to be with her.
But then, she had never really felt anything quite like this before, either, the connection, the spark that passed between the both of them as they cared for each other in this brand new (and sort of terrifying) way. It was all so new, but Jyn welcomed each new step they took with each other.
She was not at all unaware of the effect all of this was having on Cassian, but Jyn brought not attention to it as she slowly got to her feet and stepped a little closer, handing the soap back over with that same small smile lifting her lips.]
You know - [she started, conversationally enough, slightly teasing, but still very, very honest] You don't have to hold anything back from me.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-01 11:04 am (UTC)[His tone was joking, back… but this was too important to leave at that, even if his eyes dropped again.
Grr… how to say what might need saying without completely ruining the wonderfully light and gentle mood between them right now…?
Finally settled on—with his hand running gently over the rise her shoulder, his gaze adoring and appreciative in its wake:]
It's not usually safe to let on that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.
Not terribly sexy. But… also… surprisingly… good? Am I making any sense?
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